IT'S LIKE GLASGOW PIZZA

The Scots are responsible for the most frightening comestible on the planet, which reflects their tendency toward bloodlust, unspeakable perversion, and downright disgusting personal habits. Most Scots I know are silly, arrogant, and of low moral standards. Far worse than the average Pakistani. Which explains why Glasgow has become a drunken, stinking, seething purulent suburb of Islamabad with football fans who wish to rape and pillage.

No, I'm not talking about Haggis. Or mushy overcooked vegetables and burnt toast.
Not even that nightmare inducing horror known as Heinz baked beans.

The deep-fried Mars bar.

I'd eat that.

DEEPFRIED MARS BAR. WAIT BEFORE BITING, SO THAT THE MELTED FILLING DOESN'T BURN THE ROOF OF YOUR MOUTH. LIKE SURSTRÖMMING, IT'S BANNED ON COMMERCIAL FLIGHTS.

The best whisky to serve with this horrid glob on a plate is probably Ardbeg, but any sooty single malt will do nicely. The flavour cuts the grease and contrasts with both the slight fishy taste from the average Scots deep-fryer, as well as burnt sugar from the sweet goo inside.

It's the perfect follow-up to that haggis with the side of baked beans.


Of course, for a decent cup of tea, as well as toast made with edible bread, go to Edinburgh. The local people will be delighted to have you, and if you express admiration for their soccer team (The Hibernian Football Club), so much the better. They'll know you're civilized.
Which is an unknown quality in Glasgow. Quite.

One problem common to both cities is that no one speaks English.
But they are working on that, y'all.


Final note: Do NOT quote Bobby Burns.
The natives can't read.



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