HABEUS CORPUS

Now that 'black Friday' is over, it's 'sad regret Saturday'. You've had too much turkey. You stood in line for ten hours with a thousand other people. You froze in the unseasonal snow flurries. You achieved what you believe is success and meaning in life by purchasing the latest version of Wank Box. You had visions of sugar plums!


You know I disapprove of you, right?


As an heir to many generations of severely judgemental Dutch Calvinists -- the family tree is sodden with them -- and having a strong and superior sneering streak anyway, I dislike the commercialization of Christmas intensely. Yule is NOT about gifties and luxury products. It's about an unwed teenage mother, the man who went ahead and got hitched to her despite her bullshit story, and the bastard she brought forth in a crowded cattle pen, who ended up being condemned to death for smarm, perversion, withcraft, and fomenting rebellion. Like Leon Trotsky, "his enemies done him in". Unlike Trotsky, he was a bit of a hippie. I would disapprove of him too, except I never knew him, and actually doubt he even existed. He's probably just a convenient story the rowdies made up. There are several years missing, the tale is full of ridiculously impossible plot holes, and there is no trail of evidence, OR even halfway believable circumstantial evidence.

And because of that, you bought another Wank Box.

I've got a bridge to sneeringly sell you.

The only part of Christmas of which I approve is yuppies drinking themselves into a stupour during Santa Con and possible expiring from alcohol poisoning and exposure to the elements during the coldest part of the year, and the crabfeed in good company on Christmas eve.


Any part of this which brings you Wankboxers joy is ab initio odious.
Especially little children singing. Quite nauseating, that.
There is just so much that's repulsive.


I'll let myself out now. Not allowed to smoke my pipe indoors anymore anyway.
It offends the glutenphobics, vegans, and green people.
Apparently I kill butterflies.



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