THE PERFECT CHACHANTENG

It's a question of interactions. You must ask yourself: "do I want to observe interesting and intelligent people with quirks, or do I want exposure to a more high-strung spectrum?" And then decide accordingly. So for myself it is best to avoid the places with old ladies, because too many of them together and there will be a certain sour bitchiness. The best blend is old men who are no longer in the market, and women who are just there to work. Places with bubble tea are right out.

The ideal chachanteng is one with one or two little girls who are there with their adults, and like good eaties. Half a dozen old coots with opinions and an active interest in life. An alert younger woman who is keen to hand you an egg tart (蛋撻 'daan taat') fresh out of the oven (啱啱出爐 'ngaam ngaam chut lou') or a plate of bitter melon beef over rice (涼瓜牛肉飯 'leung gwa ngau yiuk faan'). And perhaps one or two middle aged women.

No female customers between teenage years and late twenties.
No men from their teens to mid-thirties.

Pastries are desirable.
Not essential.

Hong Kong milk tea of a sufficient strength and depth is, of course, non-negotiable. Whether the establishment offers weird Hong Kong interpretations of spaghetti, foods covered with melted cheese under the broiler till hot and bubbly, or "toast" is somewhat immaterial.
Your doctor will not be consulted on this, and in any case should never know.

Too many women of a certain age mean that in addition to bitchiness there will be gossip distracting the waitstaff, too many men, and a din of senseless sports chatter and posturing. A surfeit of young people means inferior food and a lot of non-interactions as they look at their cellphones. Life is too short for endless bubble tea and popcorn shrimp.


What would be ideal, of course, is a place with a tolerance for middle-aged Dutch American pipe smokers, and bottles of Sriracha on every table. But that wonderful condiment is in short supply now, and white yuppies are known to furtively steal it. White yuppies are a blot on the restaurant landscape, and mustn't be encouraged.



==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================