UNFILTERED AND UNCHAINED

Is he also going to tell us what shade of grey his underwear is, and how often he plans to wash it? Because if so, someone should tell him that as a conversational gambit, that is pretty much a non-starter. And when I say someone, I mean a volunteer, not myself. Reason being that I do not want to talk to him.

He was sitting by himself in the coffeeshop where I went upon returning to the city after a long day babysitting cigar smokers in Marin. It was not surprising that he was sitting entirely by himself. As anyone should be who announces to no one in particular that he's worried about getting AIDS, what with this being San Francisco, where (he believes) it's endemic, and he has been tested, even though he hasn't had any sexual encounters in a long time .......

That, too, is a conversational non-starter.

Even if he's trolling for contacts.

Especially if trolling.


Yes, it is more interesting than sports, but I never-the-less do not wish to enter into a discussion with him. Rather, I desire that like nearly everyone else in a coffeeshop that has WiFi, he turn on an electronic device and become dead to his surroundings. Be invisible.

For crapssake, don't look in my direction.

Dude, I will radiate an aura of menace!


Even if, instead of a pudgy looking male with I.T. physique, he was a cute and innocent looking woman of a certain youthfulness and vibrancy who plaintively announced that she hadn't had a sex-life ever, the chances of my going over and saying avuncularly "there there, you poor dear, tell me ALL about it" would still be rather slim.


BREAKING THE ICE

If you ever meet me, your sex life, or the absence thereof, or it's purely speculative nature and hypothetical details, should not be the first points on the agenda.

Tell me about yourself, and ask intelligent questions about whatever it is that you think I should talk about. Let me know if the tea is too strong or the coffee too weak. Do you occasionally have a cocktail, or do you avoid alcohol because even one drink is too much and you cannot stand the taste? How do you really feel about bacon or cheese?
What classic movies do you like, and why?
Books; tell me what you read.
Are you hungry?

Are you a woman?


That last criterion is rather important, for personal reasons.


But under NO circumstances should you start off our acquaintance by first announcing "I haven't had sex in, like, FOREVER!" Doing so, especially in a public place, with multiple witnesses, will make me assume that your social skills are problematic. Possibly even absent.

If you are a woman, at some point your shenanigans or a complete lack thereof might come up. It may very well be a welcome datum, which absolutely could be shared under the right circumstances.

If, however, you are a flabby man of pudgy appearance, your somewhat unrealistic fear of catching AIDS from toilet seats or however is not something in which I am deeply interested.

Perhaps you should go on the internet and make someone else's evening more surreal? Find an active comment string into which you can interject non-sequitorial information?


Good luck!




==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================