RANDOM ARMOURED INSANITY

Predictably, after getting home I went on to the internet. On a hot day, the internet shows you how cold it can be. You can leave monsoon drenched tropical coasts and visit the temperate zone, or flee typhoons and lashing downpours for a frozen wasteland far to the north.

You can also be a Japanese schoolgirl chasing tanks around the snow at night. Il est très japonais-gothique; wakarimashta!


TEENAGE GIRL TANKBATTLES


[SOURCE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTJ-9bhUVNE.]


What really makes this insanity epic is that there is an entire fan-base of tank connoisseurs that watches Girls und Panzer purely for the tanks.
Tanks in action. Tanks doing un-tanklike things.
Totally femmy tankitude.


I do not like hot weather. In the distant past, when the female person with whom I share the apartment was also my love interest, it did not matter if after a hot day I lounged around in the nude, nor was there a problem when she did the same.

Hey, it's hot, we're slack and panting from the high temperature; we need to air out.

Now we are much more modest. Being a man, I can get away with less clothing, but she sits at her computer somewhat overdressed.
Gallantly I let her use the bathroom whenever she wants.
I think she goes in there to madly swab herself all over with a wet sponge, then cover up again.
That's what I do when I go in there.

Splash face. Smack the oxters with a wet wash cloth. Run a bit of water through my hair. Splish splash.
Then get dressed again. At the very least, cover the naughty bits.
Mustn't even look exhibitionistic.
Discretion advised.

Pants and an A-shirt. I look like Stanley Kowalski.
A disconcerting picture, perhaps.
But it is hot.

It would take a dirty mind to imagine intemperate behaviour during a heat wave, yet we respect each other's possible frail sensitivities, now that the more-than-friends relationship has been over for several years.

THAT MASSIVE GUN IS A BLAST!


[SOURCE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yNtkIzNthb0.]


Words of wisdom: "wahnsinn" (German for insane, or bad craziness), and "don't get so cocky just because you're huge".

In my personal life I have always tried to avoid bad craziness, and the opportunity to act cocky because of my size has just never presented itself. One must behave with gravitas. I've got that in buckets.
My craziness is good; excellent even. and my size is only average, though less so when compared to the beef-fed glandular freaks from the interior of the country. Large sweaty frat-boys, at whatever age.
Can't stand giants. Fortunately they're slow.
The Maus tank was huge.
And slow.

From Wikipedia: "Panzerkampfwagen VIII Maus (Mouse) was a German World War II super-heavy tank completed in late 1944. It is the heaviest fully enclosed armoured fighting vehicle ever built. Only two hulls and one turret were completed before the testing grounds were captured by the advancing Soviet forces.

[End cite]

The idea of an opposing team in Girls und Panzer actually utilizing that monster presupposes half a dozen young ladies in a large steel box. While that may be someone's ideal Christmas present, the actuality is that it would be insufferably hot in there, and they'd get dehydrated.
Limp, sweaty, demanding copious draughts of Calpis, or Pokka Chilled Juice, which is loaded with natural antioxidant goodness.
So refreshing!


"...no engine was found that could propel the prototype at more than 13 kilometres per hour (8.1 mph) under ideal conditions."


Note that the ending music of that clip is the Panzer Lied, which can be more fully 'enjoyed' in another Youtube clip.

PANZER LIED


[SOURCE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPzTGx96P6U.]


There are several things that one would rather NOT contemplate during hot weather. Being inside a steel box, OR any form of conjunction, are just two of them. Either one is likely to leave one covered in oily sweat and drained. Ugh. The very thought of hot velvety skin rubbing up against one while heat prostration threatens is absolutely appalling.
It's far worse if you're wearing a uniform.
I cannot even consider it.

Furthermore, for a whole variety of well-thought-out reasons, a plate of beefsteak, bean burritos, gallons of American beer, ten cups of strong tea, big cigars, whisky-pani, beefy fratboys showing their armpits, or hanging out at the cigar-bar, should be also out of the question.
Especially the latter; I was there on Thursday evening after the monthly meeting of the pipe club, and while I drank with both restraint and caution, others were not so composed. There were more than two dozen overheated businessmen with pressed pants and ties there, plus tattooed youngsters watching the game, and big blokes screaming.
Faces glowed, skin peeled, sweat stank, and much was imbibed.
Somebody distributed pork-fried rice at the front.
Wine was spilled accidentally.
Then sodawater.

When I left I was utterly sentient, yet completely exhausted. The heat had gotten to me, and the caffeine was wearing thin. I had by then also agreed to produce a draft-business plan in the next four weeks, and two people have already committed to funding the noble experiment.
If we pull it off, this could be very educational.

No tanks are involved. Nor any Japanese schoolgirls.
And no beefsteak, beans, or bad beer.
Success is assured.



By the way: the anime series 'Girls und Panzer' (ガールズ&パンツァー Garuzu ando Pantsa) takes place at a Japanese high school, in a universe where "The Way of the Tank" (戰車道 Sensha Do) is a traditional martial art suitable for girls. All the usual tropes of high school manga and anime operate, including competitions, various student clubs which are considered good for character development, and eccentric teachers. It is an environment with which the afficionado should be quite familiar.

Japanese schools inculcate solid values, like loyalty, determination, respect for one's superiors, a sense of proper behaviour, and school spirit.

ANGLERFISH DANCE


[SOURCE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6Ek3h4HTRE.]

I think that that was school spirit.
Not quite sure.

From Wikipedia, list of episodes: "Miho decides they need to fight for their school's survival, and sends Yukari, Erwin, Mako, and Midoriko to scout the enemy's tank placements in order to formulate a plan. Noticing everyone's morale is low, Miho also encourages everyone to do the embarrassing Anglerfish dance to get motivated."

[End cite]

I'm surprised it didn't catch on, like Gangnam Style.
But it's not too late.



That very first clip looks wonderful. It's cold there, wherever that is.
I haven't seen live snow since my last trip to Vancouver.
That's not Vancouver, unless it has changed.
But it looks wonderful nonetheless.
So cool, so refreshing.




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