GENDERLESS VEGAN KITTENS

A correspondent took me to task for the clear male bias in my writing. My focus on pipe-smoking, hot sauce, books, and my frequent claim that there are three primary uses for the internet (id est: pornography, recipes, and kitten pictures); all these betray a deep-rooted sexism that is totally out of keeping with modern social sensitivities.
Especially my food choices; typically 'macho"!
A meat eater!

How, she writes, do I expect to ever find another soulmate, if all my attitudes scream such "old-fashioned male chauvinist predilections"?


My initial reaction was "well shit, bitch, I didn't even know I had praedilections! Slap me!"


Don't you call me a praedilectator.....

However, after a calming thirty-two ounce beefsteak smothered in Sriracha and wine-stewed oysters, I realized that there may be something to what she says.

Among other things, it struck me that the word 'kittens' is, almost by definition, female. And that I had always assumed that men were the only people who looked for pornography on-line.

For all I know, hordes of women are desperately searching for randy male sex-kittens doing incredibly sensitive things.

The world is a strange place.
It's possible.


RANDY MALE SEX-KITTENS AND IMPOSSIBLY SENSITIVE CRAP

Yeah, that's a tough one. I looked on the internet to see if there was anything out there. The first page of search results yielded some rather nasty stuff, including the phrase "the age at which a male kitten is neutered can affect its personality", and advice to see a doctor.

Plus the slogan "welkom in Nederland" (welcome to the Netherlands).
From a blog discussing gay and transgender Arabs.

Okay.

Gay or transgender arabs is one heck of a praedilection. Lord knows it doesn't resemble any of mine in the slightest. I am a fairly simple man; what I'm looking for is a female person shorter than myself, more likely than not wearing glasses, who has a healthy appetite for good food, reads an awful lot, and is willing to put up with a pipesmoker.
I flatter myself that that is one hundred percent normal.
Even in the modern world.

Definition of terms

Female: a human who produces non-mobile ova, and has two x chromosomes.
Person: somebody with a brain, opinions, and a strong character.
Shorter than myself: forehead at lip-level, rather than breasts high enough to put out my eyes; ergo two to ten inches less than five foot eight and a half inches or there-abouts.
Healthy appetite: must like dinner!
Good food: meat, hotsauce, crustaceans, fish, dimsum, noodles.
Reads an awful lot: more favourite authors than television shows.
Willing to put up with a pipe-smoker: not some female dickhead.

Key abilities of this delightful mythical being include a healthy respect for spellcheck, Strunck & White, and a keen ability to argue. Passive little snoots who are barely literate are distinctly not part of this fantasy.
Neither are people with food phobias or hang-ups.
Or rabid anti-smokers.

I didn't even know I had praedilections, but apparently I do.

It's shocking to realize that.


I like gender, heck, I'm totally comfortable with it. Gender is an almighty good thing. Vegans, however, are often genderless and pathetically mewling about something stupid.


"...because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spew thee out"


No genderless vegan kittens for me, thank you.

Screw modern social sensitivities.

Bacon and chilies.




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