I seem to know way more about Jimmy Choo and Prada than is healthy. Along with Fendi, Burberry, Christian Louboutin, and others. I even know about the blingy shoes worn by princess Soraya.
But I confess: I am not actually interested in such things. It's just that I research the commercial spam that robotic readers wish to leave in the comments underneath my posts.
How on earth does this particular product relate to my subject?
More importantly, can I find a meaning in it?
How do those killer sexdeath high spike heels feel?
Against the naked skin?
Particularly, against someone else's skin. Around her delicate lovely sleek footsy-wootsies?
These are thoughts that go through my mind whenever I see the name Jimmy Choo. Quite involuntarily, the words "Jimmy Choo" constrict me, and make my brow furrow, my forehead pearl. Oh, I can't breathe.
My hands start to tremble uncontrollably at the thought.
Your tender feet, my sensitive fingers.
Are you twitching?
I am.
Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo!
Blimey. Who the hell is Jimmy Choo? And why are his slave-accolytes trying to get my readers into his feet?
I like women. I really do. But instead of Bitch of Belsen boots and heels, their lovely nether appendages are FAR better shod in socks and loafers, or little moccasins. Not leather that cost more than a college loan.
You should trust me to give you advice regarding your feet. No, I'm not a "foot man", just a sensitive guy who doesn't want the shameless con-artists of the designer shoe industry to grub any money off of your burning need for pedal decor, or my urge to write slightly gibberant blogposts.
I really do hope people other than shoe shop owners are reading this. It would be dreadfully disappointing if the only people seeing my blog were sellers of expensive leather.
Disturbing, too.
I do not cater to fetishists.
Please feel free to tell me all about your delightful toes, either by naughty foot-related remarks for everyone to enjoy (see clickable 'comment' link underneath the post), OR by telling me your deepest foot-related fears and fantasies in a private missive to my Letterbox. Some men are into girlie girls, some men are into boobs, some men are into blondes, and some men should never wear pants.
Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo!
Me, personally, I like women with a wicked sense of humour.
Especially if they've got feet. Two of them.
Feet that really need validation.
Two naked feet.
Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo!
This message is NOT for Jimmy Choo.
Or his brainwashed cultists.
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NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
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2 comments:
I'm not sure I understand the appeal of Jimmy Choos, they certainly make you feel glamorous but they're really not comfortable at all!
You are approaching from an aspect that many people would ignore. As, were I a woman, would I.
Shoes should be something your feet want to wear before your head.
But seeing as the amount of footwear (and especially Jimmy Choo) spam comments decreased enormously since I wrote this post, I may have made my point.
There have been no Jimmy Choo spam comments in the queue in several months.
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