THE ALL-KNOWING MALE

This morning my apartment mate and I had a long involved conversation about female underwear. About which, as it turns out, I know way more than her boyfriend. Who had suggested that worrying about finding clean underwear was a waste of time, just go buy more at Ross.

Men can do that. There's more to it than that for women; measurements, sizes, textures, and engineering. Not just small, medium, large, lard-ass. Boxer or whatever that other thing is. Not male whatsit.
Arcs, angles, and strength of materials.
Dimensions, durability.
Structure.

My apartment complains that there is so little choice for someone her size (between small and petite). Underwear manufacturers assume that small waists mean comparatively large posteriors.
Big white bitch bootie.


"Just shop in the teenage girls section"


That was the wrong thing to say. Teenage girls' underwear has gone downhill considerably since my day. It's all badly made nowadays, not meant to last, and the designs are tacky.

I am glad she thinks that in my day teenage girls' underwear was better.
Something I wouldn't know.
I'm a man.


I have never browsed in the teenage girls section.


That may have been a sad oversight. It would have been a learning experience. Educational. And very fascinating.
Dimensions, structure, engineering.
There is no app for that.
Useful knowledge.


More investigation is required.


Thank heavens for the internet. It keeps scientific-minded individuals like myself out of trouble. No chance of violence. We now can do all our investigation from the comfort and safety of our homes.
And it has expanded our horizons.
This is good.


Methods. Materials. Madness.



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