Here's the brutal truth about stuffed animals: bears are fiercer than cats, even when the cat in question is larger than the bear. It's their horrible claws, and all that fierce survival sh*t.
This was the response of the big grinning purple feline, when I suggested that if the young lady (my apartment mate) started leaking (because of a nose cold) in the middle of the night, she just shove Ms. Bruin directly into the line of fire. The cat had been worried, so I sought to assure her.
Nobody is closer to the young lady than her teddy bear.
Not even the young man she's been seeing.
Certainly not the cat.
The cat was of the opinion that sick women are quite disgusting.
I wouldn't know. I am not nearly as close to my apartment mate ('the young lady') as either the bear or the cat. Nor to anybody else.
So I don't know from disgusting. Or women.
I washed and did my laundry today; I am not filthy.
And unlike a cat, I don't have to lick myself.
I deserve malted milk balls.
"It's so disappointing when you're talking to a human and you realize, oh they're filthy, and they go "hey, I'm not too filthy for a human", and you have to tell them "you can't help it, you're just a human, a walking bit of two-legged filth, that's just the way it is", and their little icky furless faces all crumple up...."
"I'm sure the monkey won't mind; he's very nasty."
"......Hey!!!! "
Like the cat, I don't know how to deal with other people's colds. Should I splash them with chicken soup? Turn up the heat? Suggest that they go have a bath, they're filthy? Simply behave like they're still quite normal?
I know! Moldy bread! It's got penicillin! That's loads of good!
The cat tells me I should stick my head under the faucet.
According to her, all humans should.
We need it.
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