CHANGE REGULARLY

The other day someone asked me all kinds of questions about pipes and tobacco. And seemed very surprised to hear that one should have more than one or two pipes. It seemed so wasteful and silly, why, all a man needed was one decent piece of briar and that was it!
He was quite vehement about this.
The opinionated swine.


No.
It's like underwear.
You always need MORE than one.


In fact, you probably need more briars than boxers. Unless you are a woman, or don't smoke. Then you can limit yourself to one, and who the hell actually cares? Yes, the logic is that a woman should not own (many) boxer shorts, and non-smokers can be as grungy as they want to be, because they are probably dried-up, and spiteful to boot.

If you ARE a woman, you should probably have more pipes than brassieres. This holds for men too, by the way.


The reason for such a plurality is cleanliness. A clean pipe that has not been over-used will make you happy, exactly like your underwear. Rotate, and maintain. Never smoke the same pipe two days in a row. This applies to all adult pipe-smokers. College students are different; they might not be able to afford more than one pipe, pair of boxers, or brassiere. They're skinned, all available funds are needed for beer, and we expect them to smell unpleasant.

It's been a while since I was in school, so I don't really know what goes one there, for all I know men and women now share everything, and all of it is thoroughly stained with pizza.
Besides, like most fine and upstanding young Americans, no doubt they no longer smoke tobacco, but make up for it by huffing incredible quantities of marijuana, in order to alleviate glaucoma, lack of appetite, lassitude, and attention deficit disorder. The less one speculates about collegiate underwear, the better.
Marijuana is green, and therapeutic.


One of my friends admits that she stole one of her boyfriend's boxer shorts, and wears them around the house when he's away on business to remind her of him. I think that's incredibly sweet. If any one were to steal my underwear, I would hope that there's a similar reason.

More likely, though, it will get purloined to wipe the windshield when washing the car.

That, also, is a good reason to have more than one, whether it's briar pipes, baggy cotton boxer shorts, or Victoria's Secret bras.


Around a dozen is probably a minimum.


Let them breathe when not in use.




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