THE ONE ON THE LEFT IS ESPECIALLY DANGEROUS!

A good friend has two bunny rabbits. Bunnies make excellent pets, in that they are warm and huggable, calm around children, and in all ways loveable.
Not these two.
They are rabbits from the dark side.
Well-versed in the depravity of Mordor and their liege Sauron.

Horrible creatures.
So far these monsters have wrecked several computers, chewed through priceless carpets and cardboard boxes, bullied the cat, and left dirty pots and pans in the kitchen.
These are not your momma’s bunnies, from the Beatrix Potter tales.


NICE BIG FUR BALL

Many years ago several of the ex-employees of a company I shall call “Poison Lilly Hard Drives” threw a Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker appreciation party. Bring your own booze, and wear something fake.
I came armed with a bottle of tequila and an unspeakable garment.
After an hour in the backroom with the hardcore computer geeks, I went into the main room where the other people were – everyone who ever worked for Poison Lilly, most of whom had gotten fired since the owner started putting his expensive cars up his nose – and took up residence on the couch, watching Clockwork Orange on the television.

I spent from eight o'clock in the evening till six thirty the following morning on that couch.
With the bottle of tequila and a huge fluffy bunny rabbit on my chest.
Clockwork Orange was on permanent loop, replaying all night.
Watched it obsessively while finishing the tequila.

Happiness is a warm bunny.


My friend’s bunny rabbits are nothing like that. They were rescue rabbits, adopted from the shelter. They aren’t very social animals, and display symptoms of shell-shock, and strange neuroses. But they are extremely clever.
They’ve escaped from every containment and enclosure that has been tried, and wrecked most of the house in doing so.
These are the Alcatraz prison yard psychos among the bunnies.

I can imagine the Beatrix Potter rabbits happily co-operating with each other, and with the humans of their surroundings. Perhaps preparing a pot of tea or a nice green salad snack. Maybe even sitting in front of the hearth twiddling their toes while eating buttered toast.
What I see these two doing is constructing improvised explosive devices and smuggling machine guns.
Rabbit-sized machine guns.


I really must applaud my friend’s strength and character for putting up with these two furball terrorists for so long.
Were it me, I would have made a rabbit stew by now.
Parsley, peppercorns, garlic, and wine.
Lapin a la Bourguignonne.

Cooking is fun.

Happiness is a warm bunny.


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