CAN I TEMPT YOU?
"Mah hevvins, little gurl, you shore are purdy!"
This was primarily for the 'benefit' of the bus driver, who was getting more and more disturbed at what he heard going on behind him.
"You shore are puuurdy, little girl! Mah hevvins!"
This went on for a few minutes, till the driver angrily stopped the vehicle and threatened to throw him off for being a creep. In his normal voice, Jim talked the man down and back into a reasonable state, and promised that he'd behave for the rest of the trip.
The bus started up again.
Then, five minutes later.....
"Jayzus, doll, you is SINFUL purrrdy!"
This, you will understand, is pure perversity, though somewhat justified; rolling across the Great American Outback with a bunch of middle-Americans calls for creative self-entertainment.
Startle them and give them something to talk about back in Podunk.
What with the era, and who he was, one cannot be sure of his intentions.
I, on the other hand, am a decent man.
While I appreciate the sick humour of what Jim Morrison was doing, I myself would not push that envelope.
My tastes are entirely clean and wholesome.
"Miss, do you want to hold my pipe?"
One of my longtime fantasies is that there is a nice young woman who wishes to learn more about briars, tobaccos, and the pleasure of smoking a pipe.
It's NOT as strange as it may seem.
I myself was still quite young when I first lit up.
And the idea of a female person acquiring the habit is magic.
A confident woman should have a mysterious smoky air about her.
Polished wood, sparkling eyes, glowing smile, and a resinous fragrance.
I've always been appalled how few women think of a pipe as the perfect accessory.
For someone who decides to seriously try the habit, there are three truly excellent tobaccos to recommend.
Each of them contains Latakia, Turkish, and flue-cured tobacco, and they all have an intriguing complexity.
This one is the heaviest, with a rich layering of flavours supplementing the assertive smokiness of the Latakia. Packed and smoked properly, it presents a glorious richness appropriate for brisk evenings.
Formulated by Mike McNeil.
THREE OAKS SYRIAN
A tobacco that became famous a few years ago among those in the know. Spicy, yet extremely well-balanced. This is a wonderful product of which I'm very fond. Splendid after dinner, or out in the garden with a cup of tea.
Formulated by Ted Gage.
A medium-full English blend, and likely the quietest of this selection. Smooth, satisfying, and well-suited to the contemplative type. It's what you really need while pouring over textbooks or devouring mystery novels.
Formulated by Fred Hanna.
[Latakia is a fire-cured tobacco with a smoky leathery pong which cools down the taste. Turkish is a resinous leaf that lends fragrance. Virginia, often called 'flue-cured', has a sweetness that complements the other two types in mixtures like these.]
All three of these blends are manufactured by McClelland Tobacco Company in Kansas City, Missouri. If not available at a local tobacconist, you can purchase them via the internet from Cup O Joes or Pipes and Cigars.
Together they represent an excellent comparative spectrum of their type.
No lady could go wrong with these mixtures.
Of course, all beginning pipe-smokers need a bit of guidance. And it helps if there are several pipes in which they can try out tobaccos, which often is not the case when one first begins the journey. The initial outlay is rather a commitment.
I should mention that I have a surfeit of smoking equipment of various shapes and sizes. There's scope for experimentation, and I'm not averse to loaning a pipe out to someone nice.
"My heavens, ma'am, your tobacco sure smells good."
I suspect, however, that if I suggested any of this to a female person, she would smack me viciously with a frou-frou purse before calling the cops.
I don't have much faith in the younger generation, or in modern society.
They just don't seem to have any standards anymore.
And such uninteresting tastes!
It's sad, really.
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