THE PRICE OF EGGS

Despite the pervasive gloom in Democratic circles, and the giddy intoxicated optimism in the Republican, neo-Nazi, Fascist, and Authoritarian fan-boy groupings -- as well as idiot parts of the country -- this blogger maintains a sunny outlook. Reason being that despite stupendous tariffs which will cause prices all across the board to go up, in some cases astronomically, it will not affect one key area, and may actually increase supply.

Luxury smuggled goods. Of which I am in favour.
It's a genetic and cultural predisposition.

My ancestral territory in Europe was rife with smugglers, gambling dens, illegal distilleries, and clever forgers of luxury goods. Plus the breaking stupid laws is in our blood. So this will be our golden age. The rest of the country might suffer because the price of eggs becomes unaffordable, but that's okay. We'll just manufacture bigger and better chickens capable of laying a thousand an hour.

There may be something repulsively reptilian about any hatchlings, but what is a mutated lizard or two among friends? A necessary price!

Your handbags, machine parts, and essential medications may be made out of cardboard and watercolour paints, layer of varnish, but ultimately that's a small price to pay for getting those lazy sobs in the rust belt working again, and Jesus back in every school room.

Tariffs, trade wars, and Bourbon; the world's way of telling Yankees to get bent.

No, you cannot barter those stockings for decent cigarettes.

Smoke some American Cheese instead.



For the record, I despise Bourbon and most American beers are shite, but I don't drink anymore anyway, so it makes no nevermind to me if you lot won't be able to afford the imports anyhow. Coffee and tea will go up too, but I can darnwell budget for that.
At least I don't have to send my sister to Canada for an abortion.
And thank g-d I don't live in Pennsylvania.



Please don't send your refugees and Okies here, we already have enough of you lot. They're smelly and subliterate, and we already know how to make fried chicken. Ship 'em to Texas.


Spam might become hard to find.
Whatever shall you do?




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