To be celebrated yearly on the third Sunday of January.
Or two weeks later if you're Russian Orthodox.
Everyone can join this party!
It's a day to take pride in our great natural penchant for tall tales, and politicized fiction. Unleashing a veritable tornado of bull-pucky, even.
Pulling a staggeringly impressive 'Kellyanne Conway'.
As practiced by some of our great people.
Including cabinet members.
Or a president.
Let me start by listing ten 'Alternative Facts':
1) I am a beautiful tall black woman.
2) Southern Fried Chicken is good.
3) Smoking pot turns you gay.
4) Lizard aliens have taken over our government.
5) The replacement for the Affordable Care Act will be better, cheaper, and in place very soon.
6) Christians make good neighbors.
7) Sarah Palin is perspicacious.
8) Chemtrails are a plot.
9) Your arteries need a good work out; eat at McDonalds or Boo-king at least once a week to stay healthy.
10) Mitch McConnell is a wonderful human being.
That last one may need some clarification, of course. But the proof is that he married someone who wasn't related to him in the slightest degree, unlike most people in the great state of Pie-Faced Loon.
[Photo source: By U.S. Government - http://www.mcconnell.senate.gov/public/_cache/files/bdc34e38-dec5-4c9f-acb3-c02e47a12b99/8559BA76A237EDFD6992A624862B6188.-1-official-photo---u.s.-senate-majority-leader-mitch-mcconnell.jpg, Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=54968938]
By getting hitched to Associate Justice Clarence Thomas, Mr. McConnell benefited everyone. Especially folks in his immediate gene pool.
Alternative Facts are truly our greatest resource.
Our AFs are the finest in the world.
They're amazing, huge.
The best.
This blogger is grateful to Kellyanne Conway and Sean Spicer for this enlightenment; it is boundlessly liberating. I'm a fan. Bigly.
Hashtags: #big hands #orange #truthy #legitimate #tweet
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