Please read it by a leave of thy senses.
OYF ANFANG 在開始
Over a week ago I responded to a reader whose comment history here is a flag of many colours, currently flying luxtaciously under the nomine-bellator of "Thirty Day Beer". In which one presumes 'beer' to be the surname. And one must remember that for many native-born San Franciscans, the words 'beer' and 'bear' have the same pronunciation. Which is irrelevant, though it does make one wonder what one will find in the woods.
No, don't rush off on a voyage of happy discovery - you will get lost.
At best you will find a pope there doing diddly-squats.
Beer is an overrated drink.
I am seldom around beer (once a week at most, one pint), as I consider it a beverage fit for Europeans, but most unfit for everyone else.
Except if made with San Francisco tap-water.
As is says in the Subsequentia, "swot no longer water, but use small beer for thy stomach's sake and thine often infirmities."
[Sefer Timotheos, psook 5:23.]
STILL WATERS - MAYIM SHKETIM
Yesterday evening I was at a place where beer IS sold as well as other beverages and cigars, but many customers will instead have whisky with their tobacco. In my immediate umgebung, at least five big-ass Padron Anniversarios (maduro) were enjoyed, while a superior rum made an appearance, and a mamesh twenty-five year-old single malt, grada.
Being a pipe smoker, I satisfied myself with a little cheap Scotch.
By the 4th pipe of the day, my mouth has had a work-out.
Pipes are much like shabbes havdala.
Question of minhag.
There is no point in drinking good plonk in the evening, if you are a pipe smoker, as all you can taste at that point is either Latakia or Perique. Many pipe smokers will sample single malt ere they even have breakfast, when their taste-buds are yet fresh. There's something magical about Lagavulin in the quiet before dawn, as well as after dusk on Saturday.
I was indulging in a few bowls of Greg Pease's Sixpence, which has a most unusual share of strength, in case you really want to know.
Highly recommended.
Now, referring back to the teshuva of Rabbi Timothy referenced above, a shwerre problem is that pri hagafen is not suitable for whiskey, which takes shehakol, except during eight days in the latter part of the month of Nissan, when she asani goy is customary.
This is especially important during the reading of the haftorah, when the members of the exalted kiddush club take a break for socializing and lashon hara, a riezige mitzva.
[Note: the heter shikrus is of post-Talmudic origin. During a shmita year a heter meah rabbanim is required. Shmita prohibitions do not impact the consumption of rum or other seafoods, lechatchila. For rum, the brocha is yargh-maties, fyi. ]
A QUESTION ARISES
All of this is preambular to the sheile of reb Thirty Day Beer, who said:
"With this new understanding, we have another question that emerged in our trekken in Eastern Asia, specifically in the Gansoo-Saansee border, where we found populations of Christians and Musulmaners feuding, throwing to and fro a certain phrase of ambiguous yet clearly Biblical origin.
It is in our awareness that they adore separate books, titled the 圣经 and 古兰经, but we don't know which corresponds to the correct group.
Thus, we implore you to undertake a search in your vast repository of Scriptural knowledege, which you have demonstrated in your commentaries. Pray tell, which sfar does this psook come from?
"Some have labelled me a 'Gay Icon'. Well, no shit, Sherlock!
--Liza Minnelli". "
[End cite.]
[Under this post: still waters ]
Gevalt.
Christians and Musulmaners: consider that whatever they drink is stam yainom bediavad, or even yayin nesech, and consequently you cannot and should not socialize with them after kabbalos shabbos in the border, because they are outside of the rechus ha rabim (me reshus l'reshus), al pi Shammai, unless the drinking happens beshoggeg. But Hillel holds farkert, shperring that it is an issur she hazman gramma, so as regards getting shikker with their women, it is permitted.
The Mechaber hott geschribben that NOT doing so is nisht a kiddush, an unneccesary maake, but the Rama zogt az es iz a gonz gevaldikke hiddur mitzvoh, go ahead, it is your own affair, who is to stop you?
Does your mother know?
The Ramgat (aka 'Rabbeinu mi Gatkes', a famous Chassidic teacher from Hungary) advises that if her dadayik resemble ripe mangoes, it is advisable, but if they resemble esrogim in any way, it is nezifuth.
[Commentary on ShirHaShirim; psook 7:7.]
The Gansoo Saansee border is in any case a karmelis, emmes shricklich.
Why are you there? Voss machstu dort?
Bogs you like?
Musulmaners: The inhabitants of Rotterdam, Utrecht, and Antwerp.
After their favourite food, which is served with fries.
Gansoo, Sansee: These are culinary terms, Gansu (乾酥 'gon sou') and Sansi (三絲 'saam si'), referring to flaky biscuits, and three shredded vegetables (carrot, lobak, and wood ear) stir-fried with a main ingredient.
When talking about sharkfin soup, the three shreds will often be soaked sea-cucumber, winter bamboo shoot, and barbecued duck.
This is a famous dish in Shantung Cuisine (山東美食 'saan tung mei sik').
In the beloved northern-style appetizer 涼拌三絲 ('leung pun saam si'; "cold mixed three shreds"), sea slug, tofu skin, and rice vermicelli are first soaked or pre-cooked, then slivered as appropriate, dressed with oil, vinegar, sugar, salt, garlic, and sesame butter.
Note that the biscuits in question are also known as 乾酥餅 ('gon sou beng'; "dry flaky cakes"). One can often find them in Chinatown.
Sometimes they resemble snickerdoodles.
They are NOT matzoh.
聖經 and 古蘭經: The Book of San Jose (聖荷西 'saan ho sei'; "sagely lotus west" ) and The Ancient Orchid Classic (古蘭經 'gu laan king'), being respectively a vademecum of a large city where a lot of Orientals live and a gardening manual compended by a scholar during the Tang Dynasty (唐朝 'tong chiu'; 618–907 CE), collecting the sayings of his teacher on that and similar subjects. This latter tome was like the Analects of its day, but has since then fallen into disrepute.
The fondness of many East Asians for gardens is well known; if you ever visit Soochow, you will be amazed. Kyoto also has many great sights.
I have heard that there is a shul in Kyoto (Beit Shalom), but that kosher food is hard to find. Look for salmon in the wet markets there, as the appearance of the flesh of that bird is a siman le kashrus.
Perhaps you should go to Brighton instead?
No gardens, but a great restaurant.
You'll be happier.
Sherlock: a mantra, 福爾摩斯 ('fu yi mo si'; "happiness that scours thus") of possibly Sanskrit or Prakrit origin. In such cases, the original words are transcribed phonetically, and it is pointless to seek any deeper meaning. This is complete idolatrous gibberish in yedem gefal.
See Maseches Avoidah Zara for more.
Both in-depth, and how-to.
Liza Minelli: a rabbi that we have no knowledge of. Perhaps a name for Yushke, as he seems to have been worshipped by Gentiles.
Either that, or an avatar of Diana of the Ephesians.
Gefal: think of Bofton Baked Beans.
Salmon: 三文魚 ('saam man yü'; "three literature fish"), whose father was Boaz (波阿斯 'po aa si'; "waves ah thus").
Kosher: 潔食 ('git sik'; "pure eats"), which may be explained as 符合猶太教教規的食物 ('fu hap yau taai gaau gaau kwai dik sik mat'), meaning 'according with Judaic religious regulation comestibles'.
猶太潔食 ('yau taai git sik') for short.
Yau Taai: Jew, Jewish.
Just. Great.
Vegetarian: 素食 'sou sik'; "plain eats"), or 齋 ('jai'; "abstainment") in an idolatrous context.
I hope this helps.
Zai gazunt.
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2 comments:
Holy shit you're crazy.
You must have been sober when you wrote that, there's too much weird stuff.
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