KEEPING YOUR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT

One of the things that has come up recently is how to deal with your teenage son if you find out he's homosexual. It's not something that I myself normally think about, given that I still haven't found a woman 'inspired enough' to produce offspring -- yes, "inspired" IS the right word, you can all stop snickering now -- and, living in San Francisco, it seems like there are plenty of possible role-models for the father and gay blade son discussion running around.

Still, what would I say?

What is the most important thing to tell your son?

"USE A CONDOM!"

Then you give him the lecture about communicable diseases, personal responsibility, and making darn sure he'll be around long enough that he can wheel you out to the designated smoking area half a mile from the old-folks home when you're eighty years old and dependent on other people for your locomotion.

"Son, when I was your age, it was the tail end of the hippie era, and all around me I could see other people screwing like wild chickens. It seemed the natural thing to do, and I couldn't wait till I had a place of my own. But by the time that happened, sex and infectious after-effects had gotten a lot more complicated. And so had standards of morality. Treat yourself and other people with respect, don't be vindictive, and avoid drug users, football players, and Christians. And stay away from the liquor cabinet; you don't get to drink until you're twenty one, and remember who bought that booze.
I did. It's mine."

I think that covers all the basics.

Everything else is up to him.

Same for a daughter.





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