WALKING A MILE IN TROLLOP SNEAKERS

I am the dirty old man your parents warned you about.
You should’ve listened, and taken it as a recommendation.

Instead, you were talking with your friends about your sex life, while I was behind you on my way home.
Until I heard what you were saying, I was looking for an opportunity to pass. Then I decided that what you were talking about was far too fascinating to give up on…… even though I am appalled.

Damn you’re sleazy! Pathetic, too.

When you took the thousand dollars, was it your virginity? No, I’m not surprised that it was "a little traumatic". But I’m flabbergasted that it was "so worth it". Do tell.

You know, there's that famous story about Churchill, where he says "we've already determined that, now were haggling over the price". Would you even understand that point?


That note of wistful envy in your friend's voice was more than a little disturbing. Especially when it turned out you and he were 'doing it'. I believe that's what your age-group calls a 'f*_k buddy'. Frankly, I would hope that you two aren't as representative of your generation as I fear you actually are.
Sorry if I sound like an old fuddy-duddy, but I am extremely happy not to have to associate with you.
Or even people like you.

Look, I'm not saying that you should maintain your virginity till your marriage night. Far from it. Marriage, abstention, and monkish practices aren't for everyone - just look at the priesthood.
But a certain amount of reserve, restraint, and sound judgment are rather good things. Especially when it comes to sex. Going by your discourse, such concepts are unknown to you.
It's no doubt a darn good thing to have a blonde vagina, I wouldn't know but I'm just guessing. However, when it sounds like the entire fifth route army has waged war there recently purely for your entertainment, it may be a blessing entirely wasted on you. As well as for that man-thing you're currently sack-whacking.

There's more to sex than "nothing on teevee", you know.

I suppose there are still twenty-somethings out there who haven't turned their groin into an epa superfund site. Or an Olympic Stadium. But I wonder if you know anybody like that. Your personal experiences are more than a little nauseating, but you speak as if they are the most normal thing in the world.
Law school must be a blast nowadays with people like you around.

Yes, this old fart is thoroughly scandalized. I can't help it, as it turns out I am from a generation that for some reason didn't treat banging as an alternative to video games.
We were kind of dull that way. Unimaginative, you would call it.

But please, keep talking - I'm also fascinated.
I never could've guessed stuff like this was normal.
No, I'm not judging you. Not at all.


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