CHEERS, MATE!

The law against smoking in bars and cafés in the Netherlands is, it turns out, being broken on a massive scale.
Part of the problem is that there are a large number of smokers in the Netherlands. Part of it is the climate: it's often unpleasantly cold in that boggy place. And being an environmentally conscious country as well as an added-value tax hell, outside heaters are not really affordable for many small businessmen who wish to keep their clientele from freezing their klewten off.

Also, given that many non-smokers are goat-wool sock knitters and rather sour and anti-social besides - or verstokte old puritans with sticks in their reets - it was inevitable that smokers would flock back indoors to get away from the disapproving school-frik types.


According to my favourite gutter-press and yellow journalism courant, the Telegraaf newspaper:

QUOTE:
"Het rookverbod in de horeca wordt steeds vaker genegeerd. De nieuwe Voedsel en Waren Autoriteit (nVWA) trof in september in 51 procent van de kroegen en discotheken rokers aan."

[Translation: The smoking prohibition in the HoReCa (hotel - restaurant - café sector) is being ignored more and more often. The new Food and Goods Authority (nVWA) encountered smokers in 51% of the pubs and discotheques.]

Source: http://www.telegraaf.nl/mijnbedrijf/8583600/__Rookverbod_massaal_genegeerd__.html?p=37,2

From the above we can deduce that non-smokers, though strident and unbearable, are not really a significant market-segment for many drinking establishments. Their success at belly-aching the smokers out of doors or otherwise making life unbearable for their fellow humans extends to only half of the bars.


QUOTE:
"In andere horecagelegenheden - restaurants, hotels, cafetaria's, sportkantines, theaters - wordt het rookverbod nog wel goed nageleefd. In 3 procent restaurants en sportkantines signaleerde de nVWA asbakken, in de overige gelegenheden lag het nog lager. "

[Translation: In other HoReCa businesses - restaurants, hotels, cafeterias, sport cantinas, theatres - the prohibition against smoking is better observed. In 3% of the restaurants and sport cantinas the nVWA did note ashtrays, in the other businesses it was even less.]

Not surprising - food and sport do not benefit from a smoking environments.


QUOTE:
"Nog voor het rookverbod voor kleine eenmanszaken begin december werd afgeschaft, stonden ook in grote cafés de asbakken alweer op tafel, meldt de Volkskrant.
Waarschijnlijk is het aantal kroegen waar gerookt wordt nog groter. Horecaondernemers kennen verschillende trucs om de inspecties van de nVWA te ontlopen. Volgens voorzitter Ben Francooy van de FNV Horecabond komt de nVWA namelijk nooit na elf uur langs. In Bergen op Zoom waarschuwen ondernemers elkaar als er inspecteurs in de stad zijn."

[Translation: Even before the prohibition against smoking was lifted for small owner-operated businesses in early December, ashtrays were back on the tables in the larger cafes, according to the Volkskrant (blog-editorial comment: a better newspaper by far than the Telegraaf).
Probably the number of pubs where smoking occurs is far greater. HoReCa entrepreneurs are familiar with a number of tricks to circumvent nVWA inspections. According to chairman Ben Francooy of the HoReCa Association, the nVWA never comes by after eleven pm. In Bergen op Zoom, business owners warn each other when there are inspectors in the city.]


Predictably, the reader-reactions underneath the article in the Telegraaf are squawks of outrage - hysteric and indignant, well nigh foaming and blithering - by non smokers. They are infuritated that those evil smokers get to enjoy a cheerful smoke-filled atmosphere, while they themselves have to suffer a healthy environment, solitarily drinking themselves into oblivion in the comfort of their own homes.
Disgusting! The horror of it all!


My piles bleed for them.


Dutch bar owners found out that all those non-smokers who promised that they would become loyal drunkards the moment tobacco in bars was outlawed, and thus more than make up for the smokers who would stay away, actually stayed away themselves. There was no dramatic increase in business from the health-crowd. Instead, revenue plummeted. Non-smokers were far too busy sucking-up wheatgrass shakes and running on treadmills to socialize.
Dutch goat-wool sock knitting types avoid pleasure, and hardly ever drink.

Cafés in the Netherlands are places to get away from the stern disapproval of the puritans.
The idea that such places could overnight turn into crowded hang-outs for anti-social health freaks was absurd.


AFTERTHOUGHT

Here in the United States it's an entirely different matter. We have rigorously stamped out smoking in bars, and everyone is the better for it. Unlike the Dutch, we believe that our bodies are temples.
I am always impressed by the athletic physiques and clean habits of drinkers in bars in San Francisco - their ruddy good health always makes me feel less of a man. It's a constant source of awed gratitude for the care and concern shown us sinners by our fellow citizens.
Harsh laws are truly a blessing.

I furthermore regret that as a smoker I am forced to regularly go outside for fresh air, while they remain comfortably indoors sucking up each others' pheromones and imbibing without interruption, achieving a satisfactory level of insobriety far faster than we nicotine addicts are capable of.
Often, they end up so successfully sodden drunk that entire groups of them head off to commit unsafe sex with multiple partners in a taxi - something about which we tobacco fiends can only dream.

Since the smoking ban went into effect, bars in San Francisco have become wholesome happy places.
Bring your wife, bring your siblings, bring your kids!
The entire family can now get plastered in a safe healthy environment.


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