Wednesday, February 24, 2010


Rabbosai, pursuant the long list of recipes I gave several weeks ago, suitable for young ladies and others of that ilk, I really must repair a grievous omission.

[This post: ]

What was the omission? I hear you ask.
I neglected to provide culture-specific recipes for young ladies (and others of that ilk) going to Beis Yakov! Quite the most insensitive omission possible!

[Not a nocturnal omission; no sitting in cold water till evening.]

I can hear you gasping.
Very well, here for your delectation, three appropriate potables.
Serve them at your next mixer or pajama party.


Two ounces unflavoured vodka
Two ounces blackcherry vodka
One ounce Amaretto

Shake over ice, pour into a chilled V-glass, and garnish with a maraschino.


Two ounces Bacardi 151
Two ounces Midori Melon Liqueur

Pour over ice in a pint glass, fill up with orange juice. Garnish with a lime-wedge and an umbrella.


Two ounces unflavoured vodka
Two ounces coconut rum
Heavy dash grenadine

Shake over ice and pour into a young lady.
Garnish with pink lace.
[Or an orange slice.]

NOTE: If too many such are consumed, she will be mingling wool and linen in no time, a bracha levatulla, mamesh. It is best to pour her (and others of her ilk) into a taxi before that happens. Kol haschalos kashos.


Three ounces unflavoured Vodka

Shake vigorously after drinking.



Rabbeinu Tam (Yakov Ben Meier, 1100 – 1170, brother of both the Rashbam and the Rivam) defined Shaatnez as including cloth spun and woven separately, then sewn together, whereas his grandfather Rashi ((Rabbi Shlomo Yitzchaki,1040 – 1105) opined that it is shaatnez only if the wool and linen are spun and woven together, his argument being that the prohibition against shaatnez is specifically against garments of mixed materials.
Rashi and Rabbeinu Tam lived in France; hence their neurotic interest in clothes.

The point they disputed has to do with the prohibition against kilayim (the mingling of things which it is inappropriate to mingle). Es shteyt in Parshas Shoftim (Judges) in Vayikra (Leviticus) 19:19 "Et chukotai tishmoru behemteicha; lo tarbiya kilayim sadcha, lo tizra kilayim u veged kilayim shaatnez lo ya'ale aleicha" (My statutes you shall guard; do not let your cattle mix-breed, do not sow your field with mixed seeds, and do not wear a garment of mingled cloth.).

Hence there are four categories of things which should not be mingled: plowing by cattle and asses in the same furrow, grapes and other crops in the same arbor, wool and linen in the same garment, and Jews and Midianites in the same world.
According to the Mishneh Toireh, such prohibitions promote peace.

But according to the Rebbe of Prolicz (descendant of the Baal Ha Turetz), this means 'keep fools out of fields, avoid fruit-cake, go naked, and don't invite strangers into your bed - only friends and relatives, or their wives and children'.

But, le havdil! The Tzerdraiter Rov (chavruso of Der Prolickzer) hott gezogt azoi: "there are four things that mark the end-times and the possible return of that horrid horrid man, zi seinen: Second Dutch Reformed with First Dutch Reformed and Fourth Dutch Reformed in the same Classis (Hackensack), Gefilte Fish with Mayonaise AND chrein at the same simcha (feh!), plaid ties over striped shirts with a tweed jacket (gottenyu), and your wife, your mother in law, and your mistress at your daughter's wedding (gevalt)".

From this Rabbeinu Gershom naturally derives a prohibition against mixed drinks, because the quality of liquor in mediaeval Ashkenaz was gonz schreklich.

Nevertheless, it is a mitzvah of riezige zechus to shtell a shidduch, as it says "vatidbak nafsho bedina bat-Yaakov va yeehav et-ha naara va yedaber al-lev ha naara".
All is fair in love and war. Nisht?
And meyle our liquor is so much better than what the Chossidei Ashkenaz consumed.

Hence under certain circumstances, it may be appropriate to mix substances that, properly speaking, should never be combined - like cheap Dutch liqueurs and expensive vodka, Bourbon and cherry juice, or tobacco and fire-arms.

The result, guaranteed, is a chuppah in your foreoutsight.

Ich hob es gehirt in a shiur at Yeshiva Chipass Emess - West Coast.
So it's emmes straight from hapehasus.

1 comment:

Y&Y said...

Heh. Goofy.

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