VERY SMALL GRABBY HANDS

In the good old days, we'd give the little kiddies winkies an abundance of existential angst when they came to the door on Halloween. Can't do that any more, the little sh*theads have become all cynical. Now we simply feed them scrumptious hot pizza pockets, and terrify their parents when they hear about all the gluten, dairy, and meat. "My little Aundray was a vegan until you corrupted him, you evil man. He'll probably run away and join the circus after this!"
And little Aundray smiles a daemonic little smile.
He's tasted the world beyond Marin.
And man, it's good!

For five years now they've dressed as orange goblins.
Blue suits, red neckties, incontinence diapers.

Really ugly fake suntans.
It was terrifying.

This Halloween, do I go as Mitch McConnell or a little shepherd girl with fishnet stockings? Such a difficult choice to make, don't you agree?
Either way, I need a cattle prod.

Gotta go down to the old folks home and tell them their retirement is toast.
Republicans plan to steal their trick or treat money.
Slash Social Security, Medicare.



Spent all day in Marin. Man, that place is a hell hole.
It's filled with Karens and entitled hosebags.



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