Tuesday, October 18, 2022

THE DAMNED DO-GOODERS

California proposition 31 seeks to outlaw flavoured tobacco products, by upholding and strengthening legislation temporarily in abeyance that was passed a while back.

It will also outlaw 90% of all pipe tobaccos, and lead to a whole bunch of pissed-off old men. Beware of pissed-off old men; they have less to live for.

Many pissed-off old men have vehicles and drive. Their grand kids are little assholes, and they hate crowds.
The great advantage of a beat-up old station wagon is that you can smoke in it, when your relatives insist you go outside to brave the pneumonia-inducing inclement weather with your pipe. If the heater works, you can cruise down the highway at forty miles an hour in the fast lane with your bowl of raspberry-frazzle black cavendish at full blast, go to the liquour store for some cheap vodka, then decide to elliminate the annoying putzes at Santa's Joy Town seasonal neighborhood street fair, permanently.

The same irritating blisters who do Renaissance Faires and Pirate Days are there, dressed like elves. Rick at 'Medicare Supplement Advisors', who makes spam calls to elderly people, is also there. You've already told him to blow it up his gand several times, whenever he calls, which seems to be about twice a week now. He's probably one of those vegan do-goodniks, practices yoga, and saves the planet. In between trying to steal the assets of old people. His supplemental gig as an elf lets him be around kids and stoned parents not paying attention. And dammit, there is NOTHING redeeming about that damned tinkly-poo Christmas music. Bunch of saccharine wankers.

That lot where it's held every year was where the old 'Psychadelic Giraffe' once stood, they served the BEST pot-roast and bacon burgers back in the day, before it was torn down to put up a mixed use commercial and residental development which the city hasn't approved yet because it has to include low cost housing and a rehab centre.

Darn pot-smoking yuppies! The ONLY reason why pot was legalized is because everyone thinks it's grown by little green men in the Amazon who recycle while hugging dolphins.

You know, I could really go for a tuna and cheese slider right now. The Psychadelic Giraffe made the BEST tuna sliders! They were delicious! We'd order a bunch of them after a show at the Warfield, Jefferson Airplane or Kool And The Gang, Elvis Costello, The Who, then wash it down with a bottle of Old Crow stolen from my aunt's medicine cabinet ......

Gotta do something about those horrid elves.
It's degenerate, is what.



Anyway, best way to keep the little cretins from vaping is to do something about their parents and those damned elves. This old station wagon can probably do over a hundred and twenty.



Vote NO on proposition 31.



By the way, here's a series of descriptions and reviews of Aromatic pipe tobaccos put out by Sutliff". ALL of them are aimed at the college-age and beyond demographic, NONE of them are sold in school vending machines, and the reason you've NEVER even heard of them is because we pipesmokers avoid you people. Most of the year we hide in the vacant lot where the old Psychadelic Giraffe once stood, sheltering from the wind behind the dumpster, out of sight out of mind. Except part of the year it's too cold. That's when we drive the station wagon. At forty miles per hour. In the fast lane. Dreaming of tuna sliders.

Bunch of damned wankers.



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