Monday, October 10, 2022

IN ADDITION TO TOMATOES AND CORN, HUMAN SACRIFICE!

My remarks about Columbus Day / Indigenous People's Day elsewhere were not very well received. And I have been informed that I am irredeemably white. Which, honestly, comes as no surprise. See, there's a mirror in the bathroom, and I can't help seeing myself every morning after I pee. Often I am the first person I see.
Taking a leak is rather essential.
More so when white.

We white people brought witch burnings and genocide to the entire rest of the world, where they were peacefully practicing innocent artistic tribal rituals like suttee, thuggee, extermination of the Dzungarian Tatars, and things of similar beauty.

So, to celebrate the sheer wonderfulness of pre-European invasion original inhabitants living in harmony with nature, all spiritual, I propose bringing back tribal warfare, ritual cannibalism, and sacrificing thousands of war captives to the sun god. For at least one day a year. Today for instance. Maybe we should build a massive pyramid in Berkeley.
PROPOSED HUMAN SACRIFICE PYRAMID FOR BERKELEY

And today we should penitently abstain from pizza, and burritos, as well as Sichuan, Hunan, Thai, Indonesian, Sicilian, Indian, Dutch, or even English food. As penance.
And NO sambal or Sriracha.

I guess that leaves French food.
Oh, the agony.



Neither Columbus nor the indigenous people speak to me. And both pumpkins and corn leave me cold. But potatoes, tomatoes, chilies, and tobacco are irreplaceable in my life.

Things would not be the same without French fries.



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