BAD MUSIC, VODKA, AND DOGS

In an article in a Hong Kong newspaper the case is discussed of Chinese tourists arriving at a hotel in Stockholm in the middle of the night over fifteen hours before their reservation, when no rooms were available for them yet, and objecting very histrionically to that fact. They were tired, they were old, their feet hurt, and they were operatic. They were promptly thrown out. With the help of Stockholm police, they were deposited elsewhere (on the street), and told to come back at the right time.

How you stand on this seems to be largely determined by whether you are an expat living among Chinese people but entirely unable to deal with your circumstances in an adult manner, a Chinese person, a Swede dammit or culturally akin and sympathetic to that kind of people, or 'other'.


I am other.


Why the hell would anyone want to visit Stockholm?


Especially when any yen you have for meatballs is easily satisfied by visiting Ikea or lunch counters in the great american outback.
And surely you already know how to boil potatoes?
Surströmming, turnips, and cabbage rolls.
Raggmuck, grot, and fiskbullar.
Gelatinous old cod (*).

[Lutfisk ("lutefisk", 鹼漬魚): soak stokvis (codfish dried to the plank stage) for five days in cold water, then two days in a water and woodlye solution. Then soak it in cold water for yet another five days. Take it out, cover it with salt for an hour, rinse it thoroughly, and place it well-covered in a pan on the back burner for half an hour, or briefly parboil it wrapped in cheesecloth. Serve with boiled potatoes, mashed peas, and bacon grease. This builds character.]


As culinary adventure goes, it is a long slog through a savage wasteland.


The most popular streetside snack, snarfed down by drunken vikings after dark, is a boiled frank slathered with mayonnaise, mashed potato, fried and raw onion, pickle relish, additional condiments, and shrimp salad.
Wrapped in a flatbread or a soggy bun.
By someone named Günter.


Best stay out of all the Nordic countries, and flee south. Stay in Holland one or two days for the Indonesian, Surinamese, and Middle Eastern food, plus raw herring, smoked eel, and unidentified fried object, then head straight for Belgium, France, and Italy.


Spanish food is good too, but there are too many drunken Brits everywhere swilling Watneys Red Barrel and learning flamenco.


The middle-aged Chinese couple were dumped outside near a korv kiosk by the heartless cops. They promptly curled up and started moaning.
The Swedes invented Abba.
Beasts.




Central heat, bathing, and news media only arrived recently in Western Europe, but outside of Scandinavia they aren't so much on the fence about those things. And in a few places, slightly enthusiastic even.





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