ABSOLUTELY NO KÖTTBULLAR!

As an American, it gives me great pleasure that there is a country that is more hated than the United States. Sweden. And it is indeed a beastly place, filled with unwashed bandy-legged barbarians who eat plankfish, mayo, and seal fat ice cream. Constipation is a national problem.
The weather is pretty damned awful too.
Their movies are about suicide.
And they invented Abba.

As you can see, there is plenty there to hate.


For the benefit of Americans visiting civilized places, because we are easy to confuse with Swedes, here are some useful phrases you absolutely should know when going abroad:

我不是瑞典人，我是加拿大人。
Wǒ bùshì ruìdiǎn rén, wǒ shì jiānádà rén.
["I am not a Swede, I am Canadian."]

那不是我的柴魚。
Nà bùshì wǒ de cháiyú.
["That is NOT my stokfisk!"]

我每天都洗澡。
Wǒ měitiān dū xǐzǎo.
["I take a shower every day."]


These alone guarantee humane treatment and edible food. By clarifying these 3 points you have set the minds of your interlocutors at ease, and as long as you don't get stinko drunk like the English or smell bad like the French, they'll assume that you do indeed have some civility.

Above all, do NOT request meatballs.
That is ab initio suspect.
我不想吃肉丸！





==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================