Monday, March 05, 2018


Over the past three weeks rumours of the end of McClellands, first angrily denied by people who did not want to believe, then more or less confirmed, with ripple-effects of their closing spreading far and wide and disturbing old codgers from their stone-age reveries as they turned on their computer for the once a month visit to the present century, started what became a perfect sh*t storm in real time, observed with fevered fascination by everyone who was more fully connected.

Such as my self. I do not have a cellphone, and my laptop on which I am typing this is at least seven or eight years old.

[Background: McClelland is/was a manufacturer of top quality pipe tobacco. Because the FDA threw spanners into the works, and states are paying farmers to NOT grow the evil weed, and a variety of other factors culminating all at once, McClelland has thrown in the towel. 
Mike and Mary will retire. Which is well-deserved.]

Some people bought every ounce they could find.
For a variety of reasons.


One member of a large fraternity of pipe smokers vented spleen, roughly at the same time as I returned from Marin where I had been babysitting cigar-huffing dickwads for three days.

Dave E. wrote:

"Not going to point fingers but gonna say what’s on my mind. I know I will get haters but haters are gonna hate.

I knew months ago what was likely going to happen and I personally bought what little I could of McClelland blends so that I could personally enjoy them and share them with friends as opportunity presents itself. I already had stocked up what little I could afford over the last 3 years because I found blends that suited me and I enjoy. Never intending to do anything but smoke them and enjoy them as time passes. I know there are many out there much like me.

I see posts and hear about purchases made in this mad rush of quantities that far exceeded my meager cellar built over 3 plus years. Again if they are for personal use and enjoyment I am glad for those who were able to stock up on their favorite blends.

Now for the part that’s gonna piss some people off. Those out there who bought up every possible blend knowing they have no real intentions of smoking them, some even admitting they don’t even like them or aren’t even going to try them as they just want to cash in on the surge and future rarity of them. Those who bought a tin that some true lover of the blend would love to have for a normal online/retail price and now have them advertised for multiple times what they paid just to cash in and gouge the people they call “friends”. I am sure you know who you are and I am also sure you don’t really care what I think or anyone thinks as long as you make your money, well to you I say you lack integrity at the very least and I find your behavior of such a low nature that I wish for you all to choke and cough and find every bowl of tobacco you ever smoke bitter and vile and as I am sure you have no conscience to nag at you so I hope the gods of tobacco bring karma upon you all."

The majority of the people who reacted overwhelmingly agree.

As, indeed, do I. Wholeheartedly.

My comment:

"I've stockpiled tobacco since I worked at Drucquers. I've always been a hoarder. I started buying McClellands for rainy day aging again when I began to frequent Marty Pulvers old shop. I have enough McClellands to last me three plus years of smoking (if I were to smoke nothing else), which realistically will actually take over a decade or so to get through. And other than what I'll share with the Pipe Club (parsimoniously, because I'm a miser), I intend to smoke all of it. But I regret their passing, and wish that there had been more time.
PS: In the last month I purchased two 50 gramme tins of Dominican Glory Maduro, one 100 gramme tin of Navy Cavendish, and a tin of Bayou Slice. I've finished that last one mentioned already.
PS No. 2: I intend to live forever. My stockpile will continue to grow in that time."

For the record, I have very little Frog Morton. Of any kind.
Products with precious names do not appeal to me.

That's one of the reasons I do not drink vodka.

Or Captain Morgan rum.

Further for the record, I spent the better part of the last three hours cleaning up an estate pipe I acquired today, and will step outside for a while to smoke it now. I am hoping that some adenoidal wheatgerm freak, vegan, new age hippie, or glutenphobe will be triggered and have an amusing tantrum because of that, as it will add so much to my enjoyment.
As Eric Cartman would say: "I hate those guys".

Oh, and another thing: I've got a new bottle of cheapazoid Scotch.
Both for drinking, and pipe cleaning.
Thought you should know.

Why am I looking at a tin of Erinmore Mixture from the previous century? That stuff was unsmokeable then, and is probably more so now.


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All correspondence will be kept in confidence.

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