YOUR GOAT WILL BE VERY PLEASANT THIS YEAR!

For very many years the bookseller and I head off to a low dive once a week for whiskey. The dive in question has a karaoke machine. Most of the time stupid white people do the singing, while the Cantonese salt of the earth types ignore their efforts. Often the salt slam their dice cups and the loser drinks another shot. The salt seldom gets blithery drunk, the stupid white people are over-the-top blotto by the time they leave.

And entirely unrepentant for having committed torture.

Neither I nor the bookseller sing karaoke.
Remind me again why it was invented?
Oh yeah, team building exercise.
Corporate marketing dudes.
Stupid white people.
Shouldn't sing.


However, in addition to the usual songs from the eighties that one would rather forget, in English, as preferred by all twenty-something stupid white people -- everything from The Eagles to Elton John and Madonna, but not enough Abba -- there are a few items in Mandarin that truly set one's teeth on edge.

Mandarin is what the Chinese equivalent of stupid white people speak.

Judge for yourself. The song below is perfect.


EVERYBODY LOVES SHEEP!


[SOURCE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a2LM21N-Ql4.]


Stupid Chinese people.

And a stupid title, too. 大家一起喜羊羊 (dàjiā yì qǐ xǐyángyáng): all family together happy sheep sheep, or, everyone is radiant with joy.
Oh please, I gotta barf.

Sadly, the little animated avatar of the singer is more attractive than her human counterpart.
Sort of a bright-eyed goobus librarian.
Who really can't dance.

The Teletubbies are more intellectually challenging.

The show is 'Pleasant Goat and Big Big Wolf' (喜羊羊與灰太狼 Xǐ Yáng Yáng yǔ Huī Tài Láng). You can read all about it on Wikipedia, where the zany tale of a bunch of ovines and their village is outlined.

Excerpt, describing one of the characters:

"Wolnie / Red Wolf (红太狼 Hóng Tài Láng)
The narcissistic wife of Wolffy, who dresses in a red robe with black and white trims. She is over-demanding and abusive towards her husband, hitting him with her frying pan whenever his schemes fail; however, she does genuinely love her husband. She is actually very smart and while her husband can think of outlandish inventions to catch goats, her simple ideas are the ones that are actually successful."

It's probably all very touching and meaningful, in a sincerity-laden way.

Filled with messages about unity and co-existence.

Children and half-wits love it.

All family happy.


No, I don't know who the cute goobus librarian is.
She's an animated entity, okay.
Not real!

More:

"Fragrant Wolf (香太狼 Xiāng Tài Láng) is a young female wolf with rainbow hoop earrings and a pink dress; she has a crush on Banana Wolf (蕉太狼 Jiāo Tài Láng); a large, mild-mannered wolf who is a vegetarian obsessed with bananas."

Oh what the heck. It's probably quite sweet and fun to watch.
Find it on the internet, and judge for yourself.
Order some delivery pizza.


Love your sheep.

Wah, eat banana!



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