At the back of the hill

Warning: If you stay here long enough you will gain weight! Grazing here strongly suggests that you are either omnivorous, or a glutton. And you might like cheese-doodles.
BTW: I'm presently searching for another person who likes cheese-doodles.
Please form a caseophilic line to the right. Thank you.

Saturday, January 03, 2015


One of the most common reactions that pipe smokers get, other than having some screaming Berkeley tofu-head virago demonstrate entirely new uses for the F word starting one block away and getting louder and more insane as she determinedly comes closer, is the remark: "that reminds me of my father".

Usually it's a woman who makes that comment.

Proving that not all females hate smokers, or are insane. There actually are a substantial number who do not resemble batshit broads from Berkeley at all, and do not have meltdowns at the concept of someone enjoying America's oldest cash crop in a civilized manner.
It's remarkable.


Sometimes people say that a pipe adds an air of authority, an image of wisdom and knowledge, and the appearance of gravitas.
Again, that's usually women too.

Men don't say much. Other than to remark that they tried it, failed, and now feel hopelessly inadequate. Which is accurate; if they afterwards they took up cigars instead, they ARE inadequate.
They have a lot to make up for.

Unfortunately, most cigar smokers have opinions which are, in the main, absurdly unrealistic and almost impossibly out of whack with any rational thought processes. That giant turd-sceptre in their mouth short-circuits the synapses, and scrambles brain waves.
Plus they go cross-eyed tracking the insect they thought they saw crawl out of the cigar before the burning cone reached its nest.

Cheroots = bugs, brainfarts, and crazy ideas.

I stole the picture above from the internet.

It's Betrand Russell, in case you were wondering. It's axiomatic that he would be persona non-grata in Berkeley. He represents the intellectual dictatorship of well-educated old white males.
That's considered déclassée.
And threatening.

On the other hand, most people in Berkeley have never even heard of him, would not understand his writings, and could not spell his name anyway. But they know how to spell 'vegan', 'sainthood', 'green', 'imperialism', 'revolution', and other essential words......

There used to be tobacco in Berkeley.
Plus brains, and normal women.
Now there is tofu.

NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.


  • At 8:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Now the question is, with your constant sneers at improper use of tofu by white people, how /does/ one prepare bean curd correctly?

  • At 12:07 AM, Blogger The back of the hill said…

    Cut a slit in the side, stuff it with fatty pork and shrimp paste, dust it with cornflour and deep-fry it.

    Or, cook it drenched in meat sauce.

    Or, wrap it in cheese cloth, put a huge cauldron of water on top as a weight to drain out extra moisture, and then slice it into thick matchsticks and dress it with soy sauce, sesame oil, dark vinegar, and chilipaste.

    Or, pair it with chicken breast and cook it with fagara peppers and sweet hot sauce.

    Or, dump chunks into a beef, rice wine, mushroom, and garlic stew. Don't forget the chilies.

    Or, buy it already deep-fried, and stew the chunks with bitter melon and sliced dried ham slivers.

    Or, use small strips of firm tofu in a soup. With wood-ear, chilies, black mushrooms, egg drop swirls, and chili flakes.

    Or, alternate it with ham and balck mushroom on top of a fish that is to be steamed; drizzle of sesame oil, soy, and black vinegar.

    Or, stirfired dice with chicken chunks, cahsews, wood-ear, and chilies, reduced stock to glaze, with a touch of sugar and black bean.

    Or, large cubes, with zucchini and sliced pork, honey garlic ginger reduction.

    Or...... etc.

  • At 12:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    What is your opinion of miso?

  • At 7:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Very favourable. I like miso. Whether in soup, or as a flavouring in vegetable and seafood dishes.

    Misozuke of various types are nice addition to a meal. Besides being healthy.


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