At the back of the hill

Warning: If you stay here long enough you will gain weight! Grazing here strongly suggests that you are either omnivorous, or a glutton. And you might like cheese-doodles.
BTW: I'm presently searching for another person who likes cheese-doodles.
Please form a caseophilic line to the right. Thank you.

Wednesday, July 30, 2014


I have been reliably informed that lasagna is a code word for sex. Which convinces me that the Italian-American lobby is both strong and twisted. This pursuant 'National Lasagna Day', which was yesterday.
I have no recipe for lasagna, alas.
And feel incomplete.

An exhaustive internet search for lasagna turned up page after page of food, and one or two cats. Absolutely no zesty smut. Neither the Japanese nor the Dutch have broken the code.

I did find 'lasagna cupcakes', however. No, these aren't tasty little wantons, but consist of wonton wrappers or philo pastry lining molds, filled with meat sauce, ricotta, parmesan, and mozzarella.
Handsize, and kind of like an Italianate dimsum.
Something only an American would eat.

Lord save us, there's also a Lasagna Burger.
Several examples of, including mini.
The Lasagna Bacon Cheese.

Plus, not surprisingly, Lasagna made with Sriracha hotsauce.

I am mighty intrigued by America's twisted fascination with sex. Which, obviously, all of this represents. Which at times includes but is not limited to basil, chicken, and tofu.

And now, because I can, and I need to astound my readers, as well as horrify the bookseller (a friend who reads this blog sporadically), and just to celebrate our twisted American sexuality, I shall present in its entirety the recipe for 'Spicy Tex-Mex Lasagna' which Kikkoman offers on their page. As exciting a sexual experience as any.
Fabulous furry food porn.

The only things missing are pickled jalapeños and bacon.
Which a true-blue Texan adds to everything.
Before or after beans and cheese.


Ingredients (Makes 8 servings)

1 whole roast or rotisserie chicken
2 cans (20 ounces each) enchilada sauce
2 tablespoons Kikkoman Sriracha Sauce
12 to 16 six-inch corn tortillas
1 can (30 ounces) refried beans
2 cups shredded Monterey Jack cheese

Preheat oven to 375°F. Shred chicken meat and discard bones and skin. In a medium saucepan, heat enchilada sauce and sriracha sauce over medium heat for about 5 minutes or until hot. Spread 3 tablespoons sauce in an 11- by 7-inch baking dish and arrange 3 or 4 tortillas on top in a single layer. Spread refried beans on top. Add another layer of tortillas and sprinkle with the cheese. Spread 1 cup sauce on top and add a third layer of tortillas. Spread chicken on top of tortillas, layer remaining tortillas on top and cover with remaining sauce. Bake for 30 minutes or until heated through.


Kikkoman also produces a huge number of products which could be added to your Spicy Tex-Mex-Sex in lieu of or addition to. I very much rely on their soy sauce and tamari soy sauce, just like I trust Lee Kum Kee for my oyster sauce and shrimp paste, Huy Fong Foods for oomph and sabor autentico, and Viet Huong for my delicious amber-hued fish sauce, which is both a table condiment and a cooking ingredient.
All of these are pillars of my kitchen.
The prized culinary fundaments.
AND incredibly sexy!

Heinz, Grey Poupon, and Kraft are likewise useful.
Not, however, steaming and pervy.
Far too Protestant.


For other discussions on this blog anent sauces and condiments, please view the posts mentioned below.

A tangy condiment: Tamarind Chutney.
Snarking Irwindale about Sriracha: Alleged public nuisance.
Possible Sriracha shortage: Start hoarding.
XO Sauce, description and recipe: XO Sauce.
How fish sauce and shrimp paste are made: Ferment yourself.
In which Oyster Sauce plays a role: Cleanmindedness.
Three Crabs Fish Sauce: Viet Huong.
Shachajeung: Sand Daddy Sauce.
Sweet soy sauce and serundeng: Little brown notebook.
Remoulade: Fabulous Pizza and sheer heresy.

And, for what can happen when one is not mindful:

A slight side track: Segue into Habanero.


One: Instead of any of these, the British use white sauce and malt vinegar. That is why they are the least sexy people on the planet.

Two: I can't get lasagna out of my mind. Damn you, Italian lobby.

Three: Texans are twisted. Cheese?

Dinner tonight was a mixed grill with stir-fried okra over river noodles, with zesty salsa, green curry paste, shrimp paste, and chili paste.
Cilantro and a squeeze of lime.

NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.


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