At the back of the hill

Warning: If you stay here long enough you will gain weight! Grazing here strongly suggests that you are either omnivorous, or a glutton. And you might like cheese-doodles.
BTW: I'm presently searching for another person who likes cheese-doodles.
Please form a caseophilic line to the right. Thank you.

Friday, July 18, 2014


I was sitting in the teevee room happily cruising for kitten pictures, smut, and recipes on the internet, when the voice spoke: "Chinese girls have short stumpy legs".
This was not precisely the revelation I had been looking for.
Expecting felines, filth, or food, I was surprised.
But there it was. Short stumpy legs.
Under Chinese girls.

Ten minutes later, the voice informed me "lord, so much ugly crap out there!"

Just like with the first news flash, I did not know how to respond. What should one say when the person behind the other computer announces that she has long ago realized that Chinese girls had somewhat shorter legs than supermodels and angular Norwegians?

It's especially problematic when one should not go overboard on the "there there, you look fine" conversational tack.

My apartment mate is a Chinese girl.

"I've always thought your luscious shapely gams were worth committing war crimes over."

Erm, nope. Stay the heck away from that comment.

"'Strewth, your curvy thighs look fabulous. Verily."

Nah, that's dangerous too. Especially as I would never say something so creepy. And it might lead her to assume that I've been scoping out her two pedal appendages, and who knows what other stalkerish things my filthy eyes have been doing when nobody was watching?
I haven't actually seen any legs in years.

"Do your legs reach the ground? Well then!"

That, too, is not an entirely unproblematic approach.
Not reassuring at all.

So I went into the kitchen to make a cup of tea and smoke a cigarillo, instead of confronting the statement about Chinese legs head on.
Always avoid discussing one's apartment mate's physical attributes, especially if one is not romantically involved with them. It leads to discomfort. There are landmines all over that stretch of territory.
Diplomatically shutting the heck up seems a wise choice.
Let us therefore not mention her legs.
In any way at all.

The second comment, a complete non-sequitur to the first, indicated that she was internet shopping. That also is a patch of dangerous ice. I myself do not internet-shop, ever, seeing as I am a typical man and thus totally pre-occupied with cute kitten pix, high quality nastiness, and things to do with chilies, pork, and ginger. Men do not shop.

There's a lot of ugly crap out there.

I totally agree.

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All correspondence will be kept in confidence.


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