FABULOUS PIZZA, AND SHEER HERESY
Delicious crust. That's the key.
Like most Americans, I fiddle with my food. As a nation, we are seldom satisfied with cooked edibles as they are, and instinctively wish to tinker with what another person has produced. That is why everyone adds condiments to their hamburgers, glops the sauces all over their Southern-fried varmint, and adds another pickle to a perfect salad.
Darn the genius of the chef, we seem to say, we're gonna up the ante.
Consequently, many European food-professionals hate us.
There is none of the passivity they expect.
"Moo" is not in our vocabulary.
Though tempted, there is nothing I wish to add to Brindisi's pizza. It is perfect the way it is. Have it with a glass of wine. Enjoy the ambiance. Leave a generous tip.
The very idea of asking for a bowl of ranch dressing in which to dip the crust is sheer heresy, and I would advise against it. Ranch dressing on pizza is an abomination, and was probably invented by a European.
Or someone from Berkeley.
Some people use ranch dressing on everything.
Yep, that white gloop makes it good!
Fried foods with ranch?
Ranch Dressing has the reputation that it's a healthier alternative to Mayonnaise, because it uses buttermilk and sour cream. Which begs the shwerre question why tzatziki and raita aren't vastly more popular.
Both of these contain fresh herbs and good wholesome yoghurt.
Surely all you butterfly-minded food nuts like that?
Nice pure white stuff! With green stuff!
Humbug, I say. There's nothing finer than mayonnaise. It's a divine gift to all of Northern Europe. They consume big buckets of it. They must know something over there that we don't; they even use it on fries!
What could be more American than French fries?
French fries with remoulade, that's what.
Heck, anything with remoulade.
Even pizza crust.
FERAL BACHELOR'S ZESTY REMOULADE
2 cups mayonnaise.
4 TBS good olive oil.
4 TBS Heinz Chili Sauce.
4 TBS ketchup.
2 TBS of Sriracha Sauce.
2 TBS Dijon Mustard.
1 TBS Worcestershire sauce.
1 TBS finely minced scallion or onion.
1 Tsp. minced garlic.
½ Tsp. ground coriander seed.
½ Tsp. freshly cracked black pepper.
½ Tsp. salt (*).
Pinch of sugar.
The juice of one lime.
A dash of Tabasco.
Optional: one mashed anchovy fillet.
[*If you use anchovy, omit the half teaspoon of salt.]
Mash the anchovy and garlic thoroughly in a blending bowl, then whisk all ingredients fiercely together. Can be stored in the refrigerator, and used on virtually everything.
If you are British, put it on your deep-fried Mars bar, or that Haggis burger you picked up at the chippy.
It's also killer with peeled shrimp, and oyster po'boys. Plus onion rings, fried mushrooms, and fish.
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
Labels: bachelor chow