At the back of the hill

Warning: If you stay here long enough you will gain weight! Grazing here strongly suggests that you are either omnivorous, or a glutton. And you might like cheese-doodles.
BTW: I'm presently searching for another person who likes cheese-doodles.
Please form a caseophilic line to the right. Thank you.

Thursday, August 22, 2013


The other day I was in conversation with a businessman over in Marin, whose knowledge of his field is extensive, along with his memory for the people involved therein over the years. He's been doing what he does for about four decades, and knows most of the players who have filtered into or out of the trade.

At one point, I asked him if he remembered the charming lesbian who worked at the store in the Embarcadero Center.
There were about six other people around us at the time.
I could feel the aura of twelve ears perking up.

The conversation very soon included everyone in the place, and it went downhill from there. I never did find out about the charming lesbian.

I should point out that all of us were men, mostly cigar smokers.

Apparently cigar smokers are fascinated by the concept of "charming lesbian". Which I can very well understand, as the perception is that if any member of the opposite gender is going to be open to the appeal of cigars, it very well could be a lesbian. The ultra-femmy types are more likely to squeal in disgust and announce "I'm going to shop for some Jimmy Choo's, all of you stink!", then flounce off without even considering the tender feelings of the smoker, or that it took a decade to train the roller of said cheroot. She may look like a gorgeous bit of fluff, all perky and sweet, but when it comes to things that the men in her life like, she's a pit-viper, and quite toxic.

Whereas a lesbian might brightly say "why yes, I would like another slice of pizza, thank you very much", after which she herself would set fire to a La Flor Dominicana double ligero, and savour the fine aroma of that dark oily leaf. Because it's sensuous.

Very likely, the cigar smoker would be tempted to date her. But, if he's got half a brain, he'd realize that there's no hope of converting her, and even if there was, his paunch, jowliness, and age would not appeal to her.
Far better perhaps to simply buy her another drink, and listen to her thoughtful take on the crisis in Egypt.
Sadly, he'll have another bourbon, and treasure the moment.
What a pity she's 'that way'.

All of this, the trim-looking youthful fifty-three year-old pipe-smoker observes with considerable amusement and good humour. Given that he isn't into cigars, and realizes that women of any gender-bend might actually be fond of a good smoke. Not just lesbians. But he realizes that unlike briar, el ropos do appeal to women.
Very few women smoke pipes.

Most men are intrigued by lesbians. Mention the word "lesbian", and their eyes brighten. Lesbian, lesbianism, and a plurality of lesbians ("two of them"), are all concepts that spark intellectual activity on a monumental scale. Part of it is the risqué frisson that the idea gives them, part of it is an incredulity that there are women out there who actually would prefer other women over middle-aged men with paunches, jowls, and cigar breath.

That, I assume, is why so many people search for undiluted lesbians on the internet.
Must be all those thick-set sixty plus cigar-smokers.
Looking for a challenge.

As a pipe-smoker, I am infinitely more realistic.
Though I occasionally smoke Oliva cigars.
A woman recommended them to me.
The serie V is stellar.

I am far less intrigued by the idea of naked lesbians than the thought of fully dressed women. Unlike cigar smokers, I do not consider life a puzzle or a video-game.

Post scriptum: the reason why I used the word "thespian" in the title of this post is two-fold: firstly, when you have a JFR Robusto Corojo clenched between your lips, you will naturally lisp 'lesbian' into 'thespian'.
Cigars cause slurry mumbling and smacky sounds.
Second, if I had used 'lesbian' in the title, there would have been an internet riot. So many men confuse 'lesbian' with 'challenging', and 'charming' with 'naked', that the comments would have gone through the roof, and I'd be hard put to make sense of all their inspiration.
Blog responsibly, do NOT write about naked lesbians.
Naked is indeed charming, but not all nakedness.
And there is far more to charm than nudity.
Lesbians aren't really challenging.
They just are.

I do not liththpp. I can thpeak aroun' the thtem og the pipe.

Naked lesbians cause stampedes.

NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.



  • At 9:06 AM, Anonymous e-k said…

    Hmm, a lesbian smoking a cigar. What would Freud say :)
    Sometimes a lesbian is just a lesbian?

  • At 11:01 AM, Blogger The back of the hill said…

    Deep breath. No stampeding.

    Freud has sweat pearling his intellectual brow.

  • At 11:38 AM, Anonymous needlingly amphibious said…

    Freud has sweat purling under his knitted brow.


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