This post is not directed at you, even though you're reading it. It is directed at the people who never read this or probably any other blog, because their lives are so perfect and complete that they require absolutely no new stimuli.
Dear "Perfect People",
Thank you so much for taking time out from your busy and fulfilling lives to offer me non-constructive criticism. You cannot imagine how flattered I am by your attention. That you consider me in some way responsible for an irritating speck on the shiny surface of your own existence is, as no doubt you intended it to be, extremely ego boosting.
Truly, I never expected you to ponder my many flaws, and I am pleased and not a little humbled that you did so.
It was an effort of which I am not worthy.
Consequently I would beg of you not to take any more trouble.
I'll just take comfort in observing the shiny beauty of you and your lives, and LEARNING from the experience.
Now please, go back to shopping like consumer whores, yattering on about the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills - Atlanta - New Jersey, AND the Kardashians, and letting everyone know what a blast you had at that club the other night when you drank so much oh my god totally wasted it was a hoot.
You totally deserve all the blonde buff goodness that comes your way.
People like us only live to live YOUR lives vicariously.
At least I do. Yes. I'm fascinated.
Thank you for being!
Sincerely,
------ATBOTH
AFTER WORD
As I said, readers of this blog are not the intended recipient of the little love letter above. The actual targets, however, do not read - they are too busy texting, getting tattoos that express their artistic and unique individuality, and telling everyone else valuable things, like details of their love lives, what they bought recently, and where they partied so nicely the other day.
They are perfect. They would like you to know that.
Any criticism they offer is merely meant to communicate that datum.
And should be understood as a charitable act that restores balance to the world.
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NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
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