During lunch I read on the internet. Often my first stops are Dutch newspapers, just to see what John Cheese is up to - forewarned is often fore-infuriated.
Today there are FOUR articles in De Telegraaf talking about sex. Apparently we didn't know enough about that subject already.
BRITISH SEX
The Telegraaf reports that English people would far rather visit chatrooms and go on Facebook than look at porn, and that British women need a good stiff drink before they have the courage for physical congress.
From this we may deduce that British men don't like sex, as the vast majority of people who would look at porn are in fact males. And given that the British are well-known to be monumental problem drinkers, we also deduce that Englishmen follow the alcoholic example set by their womenfolk.
[QUOTE: "Uit de resultaten bleek dat de vrouwen gemiddeld met acht mannen het bed deelden en bij ten minste vijf onder invloed waren. Vier op de tien was aangeschoten toen ze het voor het eerst met een bepaald iemand deed."
Translation: 'The results showed that (British) women shared their beds with eight men on average, and were intoxicated during five of those cases. Four out of ten were plastered when they first did it with someone.']
Clearly, both Great British genders are horribly unappealing.
Ladies, really, you need a good stiff one beforehand? Have you thought of alternatives?
Like maybe going out with the Pakistani next door while your husband updates his Facebook page?
It's just a thought.
Either that, or the two of you need to go to different bars.
THE LONGEST BARCELONA
The third Telegraaf article detailed penis sizes world wide. This is a matter of great import. Naturally there are tons of reader-reactions underneath that article, mostly from men.
No, I don't think I need to tell you who has the largest endowments.
You don't want to go there anyway.
Just one word: Ebola.
The most interesting thing is that 'Barcelona' now means penis in Dutch. It didn't when I was still living there.
I'm guessing that the Dutch have since then discovered that the Spanish are bigger.
That may explain why Holland is the world's epicentre for bestiality porn. Nearly everyday, one of the search criteria that pulls readers into my blog is "Dutch Women Sex With Horses", or a variation on that theme.
Couldn't they just look for "Dutch Women Sex With Spaniards"?
It's so much more wholesome!
[FYI: There are no Dutch women having sex with horses on this blog. Dutch bestiality is not illustrated here, merely mentioned for poetic effect. Nor are there many horses in the Netherlands. If you want pix, you are in the wrong place. I can't help you.]
SIX ONE NIGHTERS
The truly flabbergasting news item was about the number of one-night stands and long-term affairs the average woman has before she settles down with mr. Right.
Six of one, four of the other.
The first one at age fifteen.
I'm astounded.
Maybe all respondents were Dutch or English women?
Of course, these figures represent an average. Not everybody is so loose, while others are far more experienced. So it explains the behaviour of all those slutty white twenty-somethings who moved out here from other parts of the country. But who are they having sex with?
Are they passing the same six studs from hand to hand? Sharing? Falling asleep at a Saint Paddy's Day party?
Six one-night stands seems rather a lot. Yes, I know that the generation that came of age during the flower-power era has whacked way more casual poon than that, but they've had a head-start, and they never were very discriminating to begin with.
Plus they were doing drugs. That usually leads to stupid behaviour. Lots of stupid behaviour.
It's probably all those ex-hippies in their sixties and seventies that are skewing the figures.
Randy old farts.
NOTE: The title of today's post is based on Treppenwitz's statement that disasters and tragedies sell papers and boost ratings. He's right, but sex also attracts attention.
I threw Hello Kitty in there just to make it seem friendlier to the ladies.
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6 comments:
How exactly did you miss the whole "counter culture", "free love" etc? Don't you recall the song, "I just called her "hon", but she called me, "one thousand and one."
I wasn't even in my teens during most of the 'counterculture' and 'free love' era.
Besides, I've always been fairly discriminating.
Common sense and discretion are commodities everyone can afford. Perhaps that's why they are so rarely employed.
As I may have indicated elsewhere recently, I always been hesitant about jumping into bed with just anybody.
I am careful about certain things; the numerous free-clinics offering penicillin, however, prove that many others aren’t.
In the same manner, I extend business credit cautiously; the deep doodoo the banks and credit institutions of this fine country are presently in suggest that that too may be unusual.
It's a personal choice.
And a matter of style.
Oh dear, and here I thought the Hello Kitty reference was going to lead back to my counterargument on the cause of the Japanese earthquake...
Cause of the Japanese earthquake?
Hello Kitty. No doubt about it!
That feline is EVIL.
Well, at least in the Woodstock region, in the Classic ('67'70) Hippies, as well as Late Classic ('70''75 ) where places like Split Rock waterfalls, and "The Tripping Fields", where on a warm day, there might be 50-75 naked hippies being hippies. That and everyone's judgment was a little off kilter. It was wonderful.
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