BIG BUCKET OF SPRAY

My ex-girlfriend (Savage Kitten) has been telling me appreciatively that I am a chick magnet.
And apparently her current boyfriend ('Wheelie Boy') is incredibly jealous of the fact that I have great legs.

Astounding gams.
I have it on good authority.
Savage Kitten said so.

Wheelie Boy (which is what I call him, because he rolls around in a wheel chair) almost certainly does not have legs nearly as good as mine.
I wouldn't actually know. I'm not into male gams.
Even if I end up pushing him off the end of a pier (which would be an accident), I shall not particularly scope out his podialities at that time.

I hope he has burning acid reflux from his jealousy.
Suffering is good for him. It builds character.

Perhaps if I twiddle my gams at him he'll plotz from resentment.

I'm still shocked off at how fast she hooked up with him after breaking off with me.
After twenty years! Godverdomme! His jealousy should bite!



And as far as calling me a chick magnet, HELLOOOOO!!!!

I don't see any 'chicks'. Where are they?

I wouldn't mind some sincerely randy admiration right now!

Girls, I'm fully magnetized!

Shaking an attractive gam here, your appreciation please!

Hello?


Nope, not working. Some magnets are negatively charged, that's all there is to it.
They reject instead of attract. Defective.

The ever-optimistic sour grape within avers that of course this also works to my advantage. It has just got to.
And I'm fairly certain that some other "chick magnets" I have seen in action are either on the receiving end of penicilin, or the dispensing end of alimony right now. They just attracted too many random screws.
Either that or they're drained old farts like Hugh Heffner.
Chick magnetism may shrivel you up.

Whereas I and my fine gams are just happily wandering around Nob Hill, la la la la la, not a care in the world, wondering where the wimmins at.

The sour grape within has a remarkably positive attitude. Silly raisin.


I'm all fresh and born-again virginal. Well, something.

Quite the foxy profile, too. A good straight nose.

Character references available upon request.

Bright-eyed and bushy tailed.

Again, stressing the gams.

They're juicy!

Hello?


Unattached, available, reasonably intelligent, and nicely clean.
And actually quite a nice chap. Fairly considerate, too. Keen insight and a sharpish wit, when caffeinated.
Interesting personal style, reasonably good taste, not too eccentric.
Decent in many if not all aspects (lets ignore the perverse streak, it isn't really an issue - at least, it shouldn't be, unless you share everything with your parents OR your easily titillated thirteen year old cousin).

Just negatively charged.

It's probably the large karmic sign over my head that seems to be saying "chick repellant" in big bold sparkly neon letters. That may be sabotaging my progress.
Either that or the imaginary "no parking here" notice that accompanies me at all times.
The kind of 'chicks' I like would probably notice these things.
After all, they read.

Sad, really.
All these bright LITERATE young ladies, with their keen minds and lively interests!
Sparkly eyes and zesty temperaments.
And they are TOTALLY unaware of my fine masculine extremities!
Missing out, is what they are.


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