TEA TRAYS AND RAINY WEATHER

Facing the prospect of a rainy and grim weekend, I realize that things which are fun to do are often much more fun if done with another person. Inclement weather rather limits one's options, however.
Yesterday I mentioned that what I really wanted to do was curl up under the toasty covers with a drowsy semi-naked woman next to me, a tea-tray, and a good book.


This resonated for TWO of my readers.

An amphibian wrote:
"Give me the drowsy, semi-naked woman and the good book (both of my choosing), and you can keep the tea-tray."

And Tzipporah commented:
"Tea, a jalapeño cheese bagel, and some good dark chocolate. I can almost pretend I'm at home, blog-surfing."

Alas, they both dismissed the key element!

The tea tray.


THE TEA TRAY STAYS!


What use is the presence of an attractive semi-naked young lady without something to nibble on?

There you'll be, you and the charming semi-naked person of the female persuasion, all toasty under the covers, with a good book, and perhaps the company of some stuffed creatures ("the roomies"), listening to the comforting drub of rain against the windows, all the time in the world, reclining, warm...... and nothing to do!

The tea tray, obviously, is essential.

You need to bring food into the equation. Perhaps some hot buttered toast (mmmm, buttery crumbs, dribbles of blackberry jam.... ), maybe some cookies or scones and clotted cream (mmmm, cream.... ), and perhaps coddled eggs. Or little breakfast sausages.

Nothing that requires knives or forks, because the roomies are uncontrollable little rowdies, strongly motivated by the yetzer ha shitdisturbos. They'll seize the pointy implements and poke you sharply. You don't want that. No poking.

[In Jewish thought, people's behaviour is influenced by three things: the yetzer ha tov ('the good inclination'), the yetzer ha ra ('the evil inclination'), and the yetzer ha shitdisturbos. Just look around you - ninety-nine percent of all the trouble in this world is caused by the yetzer ha shitdisturbos. Plus fuzzy anarchists with pointy things.]


What else should you bring to bed?

Perhaps some Chinese sweeties?

Life is so much better with Chinese sweeties!
Dowsa bing, lowpoh bing, kiliem so. An egg tart, or a mini coconut pie. Almond cookies.
Maybe jiggly custard with mixed fruits.
Pak tong gou – white sugar rice.
Eight Precious Pudding.

And cake. Cake is such a happy word!
You NEED to eat cake in bed with a cheerful semi-naked girl, yes you do. A fine flowered porcelain plate with two large pieces of cake and gobs of whipped cream. One for the delightful semi-naked miss, one for you.

Okay, maybe something a bit more zesty, but you've got to eat it with our fingers!
Remember, no knives, no forks.
Perhaps little meatballs, or a nicely grilled lamb chop on the bone.
Lick up the juices.

No creamed spinach, however. Creamed spinach just isn't sexy or comforting.
And it stains the sheets.
I know there are people who, having an inordinate fondness for creamed spinach, might disagree vociferously with this statement, but trust me on this, I know what I'm talking about.
You should NEVER take creamed spinach to bed with you.
Nor any food that requires further mixing or heat.

So no chafing dish cookery.

Ninety percent of all bedroom fires are probably started by people unwisely using a chafing dish in bed.

It probably wasn't the very nice semi-naked friend - she was just expectantly lying there, reasonably assuming that you actually knew what you were doing - but in your haste and nervousness, you jiggled against the stand with the alcohol flame, and set fire to the sheets.
Either that or the fuzzy anarchists pulled something. Remember the yetzer ha shitdisturbos?
They are little incendiarists too, really, there's no controlling them.
Rambunctious!

Maybe I ought to put the trouble makers in the teevee room for the duration?
With a throw rug to keep them warm.
And their own plate of cookies.


THE ESSENTIAL TEA TRAY

On a blustery day, the minimum required is friendly semi-nude companionship, lots of buttered toast, a scrumptious selection of fruit preserves, and hot tea.
Nice hot tea.

This post is all about hot tea.


Instead, I'll probably swill lots of lukewarm Lipton while I'm at the office over the weekend.
Maybe I'll bring in a pack of crackers to nibble on.
It's something.


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