At the back of the hill

Warning: If you stay here long enough you will gain weight! Grazing here strongly suggests that you are either omnivorous, or a glutton. And you might like cheese-doodles.
BTW: I'm presently searching for another person who likes cheese-doodles.
Please form a caseophilic line to the right. Thank you.

Saturday, December 25, 2010


Today is the longest day of the year for non-Christmassy people. Many Chinese-Americans and Jews are not particularly Christmassy. They are aware of the holiday, but other than that they'll be eating Chinese food tonight it doesn't really signify very much - it's sort of a quintessential wasp dealio.

As you may have gathered, I am rather waspy.
New-Amsterdam Dutch-American mixed with bits and pieces of elsewhere white, Calvinists in the family woodwork, culturally Anglo-American. And I'm quite fine with that - despite my Judaic and Sinitic interests and involvements, I have no urge to become Jewish or Chinese.
But I am not a Christmassy sort of person.

How you deal with Christmas really tells you where you stand on the 'in-out-other' spectrum.

It's nice to know where one stands.........

Savage Kitten spent the morning with her boyfriend.
She did the afternoon shift with her friends at the soup kitchen.
She'll be with her siblings and kinfolk this evening.
Apparently I'm now at fourth place.
Distant fourth.
I'm just a roommate.

[Yes, she now has a boyfriend. I've talked to the fellow a few times, he's actually a nice chap. She squeals with delight when she's on the phone with him - it's very cute when she does that. Not that that does bugger all for me. Other than hugely increasing the likelihood of indigestion, that is. Bile, agida, kopfvaytik. Fingers clenching.
Due to mobility issues he can't visit her in the apartment that we share - uphill, upstairs - which means I don't have to be around him. At all. Ever. Which is fine. Totally fine. Excellent, in fact. I am cool with that. Absolutely. Boo-yah.]

When she and I were a couple, I was mostly at second place. She never had the courage to tell her relatives about me. We'd joke that when her nephews were adults, she would perhaps eventually introduce me as 'uncle secret lover'.
I guess that means I'm now merely 'uncle secret ex-lover', if anything.

She has however mentioned her new boyfriend to her kin - it's great that she finally has the courage to admit to them that she has a life of her own.
That, in addition to being a good Chinatown girl, Cantonese daughter, Chinese younger sister, she is actually a human being.
She's finally facing what she is, and what she wants to be.
She's changed a lot in the past year.

There have also been some changes at my end.
Well, one.
I've always been aware of what I was, but that one change does cast everything in a different light.
So, factoring in that ONE little thing, I've made a short self-descriptive list.

I am:
Not involved in a relationship.
Not comfortable.
Not Chinese.
Not Jewish.
Not Dutch.
Not Don Juan.
Not a family man.
Not good at dancing.
Not particularly social.
Not enjoying the holidays.
Not going to be having Xmas dinner.
Not going out for Chinese food tonight.

If I went to a Chinese restaurant this evening by myself, I would simply be advertising that I'm a loser white-guy with no relatives and no family.
I can still remember what a thoroughly depressing feeling that was, back in the eighties.

There's going to be a lavish Christmas spread at the bar which is sort of a home away from home when I'm tired of hiding out at the office in the evening.
But no, I don't have any intention of going there till long after everything edible has disappeared.
You see, the past few times that there was festive food there, no one extended an invitation to me to have some till well over an hour had passed. I kept hearing comments off to the side from other patrons to the effect that it was delicious, my heavens scrumptious, gracious what fun, mmmm so goooooooood - hell, eating so pre-occupied everybody that I couldn't even get a conversation going edgewise - but by the time it was finally suggested to me that I should have some too I had lost all trace of an appetite.

I may not be above the salt, but I refuse to be an afterthought.
You can offer your damned leftovers to someone else.
I'll just have my Scotch and water, thank you very much.

Yeah, I know. I'm far too sensitive. Normal people aren't so stuck on social niceties like being made welcome, asked to eat, invited to partake and enjoy - they just boldly belly up to the spread and help themselves.
We're all friends here.
I should relax. Yep.

I'm not actually planning to eat bugger-all today.

Well, maybe some stale cookies. I'm at the office at present, where due to the festive season there are plenty of stale cookies. Stale cookies are traditional holiday fare.

I've been spending a lot of time at the office lately. Evenings. Weekends.
Often I am alone here. But I'm not lonely.
I rather enjoy the quiet.
Although occasionally I do rend the silence by playing some screamingly loud bhangra.

NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.

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  • At 8:03 PM, Blogger Tzipporah said…

    May I suggest good Scotch, a bag of chips, and a sci-fi novel series?

  • At 2:20 PM, Blogger The back of the hill said…

    That would have been better but far less exciting than what I actually had.

    Two Scotches at the bar. I left when the owner offered me leftovers.

    Then I went home and had a minor mental breakdown on the kitchen floor.

    But at least the damned holiday is over. No more friggin' tinkly children's voices singing saccharine pablum songs, no more cheerily insincere holiday wishes from people who really don't give a flying act of congress, no more insistent commercials instructing one in THE! ONE! WAY! NOT! TO! BE! A! LOSER! this season.

  • At 2:22 PM, Blogger The back of the hill said…

    I never thought I would be so glad to see the weekend end. Looking forward to work tomorrow. After this week is over, no more holidays and anniversaries that I have to pay any attention to till my mother's yortzeit in May.

  • At 2:26 PM, Blogger The back of the hill said…

    RE: screamingly loud bhangra:

    It's the Safri Boyz having a good time.

  • At 2:28 PM, Blogger The back of the hill said…

    There are still some stale cookies at the office.......
    I know what I'm having for lunch.

    And it isn't raining today!
    Life is GOOD!

    Bhangra, babies!


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