Wednesday, February 26, 2014


Several readers have called me to task for using the term "pansies" in a recent post, referring to football players. They felt it was unsporting. Football players, they wished me to know, were the very apotheosis of big butch manliness, nothing floral about them at all.

In truth, the football players were a mere detail.
Although they ARE a bunch of Dilberts.

And I had used the word "pansy" purely in the spirit of good natured jape, albeit quite sneeringly so.
And as a history buff.

It's Arthurian.



At exactly three-o-five, the Black Night respectfully addresses Arthur, King of the Britons, as 'Pansy'.

If a king can be thus appelled, especially by a worthy adversary, then surely lesser men should not quail from being called thus.

Imagine if all princes of the blood had that term in their title?

Charles, Pansy and Prince of Wales.
Edward, the Black Prince & Pansy.
King George, the Pansy Elector.
William, Third & Pansy.

Prince Rupert, Count Palatine of the Rhine, Duke of Bavaria, 1st Duke of Cumberland, 1st Earl of Holderness, and a great British Pansy.

His Imperial and Royal Highness, Prince Friedrich Georg Wilhelm Christoph von Hohenzollern-Sigmaringen und Hohenzollern-Hechingen, Crown Prince of Preußen, Knight of the Order of the Black Eagle, and Grand Pansy Extraordinaire.

It has a ring to it. If the French can call their princes "dolphins", why should we not use the word 'pansy' as a title of distinction?
Precisely, in fact, like 'colonel' in Kentucky.

Award winners. Famous actors. Ballet stars. Great painters. Nobel laureates. Senators, state representatives, and folks from Texas.
And most especially the heroes of our favourite sport.

May I present to you a list of notable people who should, by all rights, be known as such?

McLeod Bethel-Thompson, Pansy.
Colin Kaepernick, Pansy.
Alex Debniak, Pansy.
Jewel Hampton, Pansy.
Kendall Hunter, Pansy.
LaMichael James, Pansy.
Marcus Lattimore, Pansy.
Bruce Miller, Pansy.
Will Tukuafu, Pansy.
Jon Baldwin, Pansy.
Brandon Carswell, Pansy.
Michael Crabtree, Pansy.
Chuck Jacobs, Pansy.
Quinton Patton, Pansy.
David Reed, Pansy.
DeMarco Sampson, Pansy.
Devon Wylie, Pansy.
Derek Carrier, Pansy.
Garrett Celek, Pansy.
Vernon Davis, Pansy.
Vance McDonald, Pansy.
Alex Boone G., Pansy.
Carter Bykowski, Pansy.
Anthony Davis, Pansy.
Mike Iupati, Pansy.
Daniel Kilgore, Pansy.
Joe Looney, Pansy.
Luke Marquardt, Pansy.
Al Netter, Pansy.
Ryan Seymour, Pansy.
Adam Snyder, Pansy.
Joe Staley, Pansy.
Tank Carradine, Pansy.
Quinton Dial, Pansy.
Glenn Dorsey, Pansy.
Tony Jerod-Eddie, Pansy.
Ray McDonald, Pansy.
Lawrence Okoye, Pansy.
Mike Purcell, Pansy.
Justin Smith, Pansy.
Christian Tupou, Pansy.
Ian Williams, Pansy.
NaVorro Bowman, Pansy.
Ahmad Brooks, Pansy.
Corey Lemonier, Pansy.
Darius Fleming, Pansy.
Nick Moody, Pansy.
Dan Skuta, Pansy.
Aldon Smith, Pansy.
Patrick Willis, Pansy.
Tramaine Brock, Pansy.
D.J. Campbell, Pansy.
Chris Culliver, Pansy.
Craig Dahl, Pansy.
Darryl Morris, Pansy.
Eric Reid, Pansy.
Carlos Rogers, Pansy.
C. J. Spillman, Pansy.
Dax Swanson, Pansy.
Raymond Ventrone, Pansy.

There now. Much better.

For the record, I have watched several games with great enjoyment. Perhaps as many as six. And though my attention was often drawn elsewhere, the grand spectacle enthralled.
Such a show! Such praestation!
Oh truly well done, indeed!
Bravo, sirs, bravo!


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