HAAM SAP: A MASCULINE POINT OF VIEW

It's a very well-kept secret. It shouldn't be. I'll blow the lid.
All men are haam sap.
What baffles me is how many women do not realize this little fact.
Perhaps it is because of a fundamental physiological difference between the genders. Women are on a twenty eight day bio-chemical cycle, men aren't.
The male cycle is about six hours. More or less.
Sometimes as short as one or two, if they are teenagers or have been swilling Starbucks coffee. Possibly twenty four or forty eight, when they've become crotchety old geezers.
But mostly six.
Or four.


HAAM SAP: 鹹濕 SALTY & MOIST

On average then, men will have a veritable fit of haam sap three times per waking day. Often before or after we blog. At all other times, haam sap is on the back burner at a low boil, always there, and ready to flare up if unattended.

[Haam sap is explained here: http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2011/04/ham-sap-lo-cantonese-pervert.html, along with the term haam sap lo (鹹濕佬), and words like 'grease', 'rancid', and 'pizza'. Haahm sap is 鹹濕; it's essence is 鹹濕精 (haahm sap ching). These are useful concepts.]


Haam sap informs all our basic social patterns.
It's often fundamental to our behaviour.

That is to say, especially while we are on the computer. Men prove the ancient adage that the internet exists for only three things: recipes, kitten pictures, and pornography. And men use the internet far more often than women.
Women maybe do a bit of shopping while on line, read a self-help article, and occasionally post a pretty picture on their social network page.
Whereas men cruise first for food, then spend several hours at I Can Haz Cheezburger, and finally start searching for steaming Japanese Shiksas doing kinky stuff. It's a continuum.

Men also blog.

This is a blog.


You know, I don't really think that normal women blog. The two well-known female bloggers that many people have heard of are both clearly stark-raving batshit: Pamela Geller and Debbie Schlussel. And judging by the paranoias and psychoses evident in their gibberingly vicious rants, they've got problems. That pair are poisonous neurotics, punkt.

Sure, there are other women bloggers who are far more sane and balanced (for instance: Midianite Manna, The Blogess, BBJ, Dusty, and The Curious Jew), but they are a minority. And I don't think they've EVER posted Hello Kitty pictures, OR called for mass-murder. Unlike the other two.
That's very eccentric of them.
Most male blogs on the other hand are quite normal. Stuff about cigars and pipe tobacco, food, panties, antiquities, pizza, socket-wrenches, ribbons, programming, fantasy baseball, beautiful brassieres, hamsters, Talmud-Torah, existential crises, back yard barbecuing, oysters, beer, lace edging on minuscule garments, car mechanics..............

Except for a few lonely computer engineers, most men do not blog when they are haam sap. That's probably because the haam sap quotient is normally high enough that no further work is required.
A blog is communication, but haam sap is a way of life.
When we leave our comfortable homes and offices, after blogging, pretty much everything we see stimulates our haamsappity. If we're blogging on our laptop at a WiFi coffee shop, the mere presence of the other gender, should we actually pay attention to them and their lovely purses, might send our haamsapness through the roof; we blog to distract ourselves, while we blog we subdue the haamsap.

The rest of the time it's a crapshoot.

Men are naturally 100% haam sap.
Almost anything about a woman can set us off.
We're primed to be intrigued.

It's not just breasts, posteriors, legs, and handbags.
Really, almost anything, of any type.
All dimensions, too.
Everything.

She's got lovely hands? Heavens! That earlobe looks soft? Heavens! Oh I say, that's a hella cute nose! Heavens! Is that a lazy eye or is she winking? Heavens! Overbite? Heavens! Are those real? Heavens! I think that stack of textbooks is far too heavy for her to carry without help..... Heavens! Is that a freckle? Heavens! Elbow! Heavens! I'm so gonna open the door for her if she walks this way. Heavens! Her skin looks like velvet in this light. Heavens! She sounds whiny and Jerseyite. Heavens! Last weeks issue of Vogue. Heavens! Are those Manolo Blahniks? Heavens!

Well, that last one is far-fetched. We're not really into designer shoes.
But naked feet are a different matter. Cute toes can wiggle all over us.

Provided she has an intelligent face, of course.
But that may just be me.
I'm special.



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