NO NET NINETY TERMS EVER!

It looks like I have to restate this: I do NOT do net ninety terms. Ever.

Net ninety, for those of you who are not in business, means that you would have ninety days after invoice date to pay for what you bought. Net thirty is standard, net sixty is a rare privilege. These terms are relevant if you purchase merchandise, goods, or services.
PrePay, like self-service, gets you what you want, when you want it. The great advantage of always being on PrePay is that you really do not have to worry about your order being held-up at my end because you are past-due on your account. If your terms are PrePay, you are not past-due.

If you are not in business, OR you understand my point of view, this post is not for you.
It is for 'other' people.


NO NET NINETY TERMS EVER!


I don't care what cockamamie deal your franchise's corporate headquarters tried to float past all the other suppliers in this industry, I do NOT do net ninety. You should know that by now. Every time your good trade group, or whatever franchise you front, or even your catalogue broker, tried to weasel net ninety into the deal, I patiently and with great forbearance chewed them another one and sent them to therapy.

Net ninety does NOT exist in my world. Net ninety, like the fantasy birth of some saviour or other, is absolute heresy. Uttering the words net ninety in my ear, is enough to put you, and your account, and your relatives, friends, and all of your sheep and camels, into cherem.
Please remember that.


We know from net thirty. Sometimes we allow net sixty for certain deals. But never, ever, never in a thousand years, will we do net ninety. You should be ashamed of yourself for even doubting this. And you should be wracked with self-doubt, nearly convinced of your own low i.q. and your failure to be a sentient being. You are "special" - and you know it.
Suggesting that OTHER suppliers do allow net ninety is NOT relevant. I do not care what they do; they are very stupid. Their businesses are failing in droves every year. We will NOT follow their example.
If you cannot pay your bills in thirty days (or, exceptionally, in sixty days), you should fire your bookkeeper (even if she is your sister who has a drunken husband and five brats to support), and also reconsider your business plan. Something is wrong. We will NOT underwrite your insane optimism and lack of perspective.

Crazy I am NOT paid to be. Not in this field. My loopiness, though icing on my employer's cake, does NOT extend to terms. Some of you may already know that; I have your home phone numbers, and, in a few rare cases, I know where your children go to school or how big the swimming pool in your backyard is. Collection agencies are on my speed dial.
Do NOT tempt me.
There will NOT be any net ninety terms ever.

If you are still unclear on the concept, please reread this. And if you have to reread it several times more, may your eyes bleed from the effort, you heathen.