There are times when little nuggets of pure gold appear in the comment section. And even if the gold proves dross, the sparkling portrait of a fevered mind remains. Comments, in a large part, are the collective subconscious of a blog - the ghosts of alternate personalities in a schizophrenic realm.
Consider this sharp retort:
"You ignored the nuts! NEVER..!..! ignore the nuts!"
The same person then went on to write:
"Listen, mister, there is nothing clean about stumping a goat, let me tell you! The entire city of Delhi knows this, from keen personal experience, about which they bally WON'T shut up, and yet they still pursue goats with an avidity and a zest which boggles the mind, staggers the senses, and buggers the imagination! And the goat. The last bit, that is. Bally perverts. And crypto Pakis. Tis a fine tradition. In Delhi."
Followed by:
"And they don't even have boots! Have you ever tried sticking goat trots in your chapplis? Is buggery impossible. Meeeh! Meeeh! Mee-ee-eeeh!"
Under yet another post, he asked:
"Disaster zun rein? Vos disser stranger text alle iz, kanstu es translatieren, sil bus pley? Wir furstain es im gunzer nit, iz allemost looking at vos di Jossip Izrael ez hotter geschrieb. Ja. And a big goat for du!"
GOATS
I should point out at this interval that not a single one of my posts discussed sex with goats. Ever. My blog has veered into odd subjects, and perhaps gone a little bit overboard about certain appetizing fetishes - just a tiny bit - but performing unnatural Texan acts on goats, of either gender, has not been on the programme. The goat stuff is something that particular commenter came up with all by himself. It represents an imaginary sexuality, or a problematic life-style choice. Perhaps either-or and both, approximately and exactly.
More power to him if he's that way inclined.
He may have a thing about goats. And a thing for goats.
I will just have to make sure that my goats do not stray anywhere near him. My goats are by no means ready for any depravity. Not by a long shot.
My goats are still sweet and innocent.
I do not ignore the nuts. I never ignore the nuts.
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A LACK OF PROPELLANT
Rereading my old posts reminds me that I used to be immoderate. And at times over the top. I've calmed down and grown up since then. Now...
20 comments:
In that case you will be disturbed by this news item.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCPZUTTqLvM
Goats? What depraved bastard said anything about goats? This blog's comments have always been all about wombats, beavers and armadilloes! Oh, and the occasional marmot.
Now, if you're talking about COOKING goats...
Spiros, did someone get your goat? I am sorry, dear man, I had no idea it was yours. I was gentle, however.
---Grant Patel
It wasn't me, it was Lev.
---Grant Patel
Is Grant Patel Not Lev?
Spiros, you have a goat?
I did not know. I would've been more discrete and diplomatic if I had known.
How come Grant Patel knew about your goat and I didn't, by the way?
Jackie Treehorn...treats objects...like women, man.
Jackie Treehorn...treats objects...like women, man.
I have no goat to get.
There were young men back in the mountains whose well earned reputations were such that they weren't ever permitted in the barn alone. Ever.
R
Okay. Do not allow mountain people or Delhiwallahs near goats.
Begs the question who stews whom.
I vote for the goat.
---Grant Patel
I regret to say that I have but no goat to give my country.
I think I may like people from Delhi.
I will not eat curry in Delhi.
Lev
Lev, do not eat goat curry in Delhi. Feel free to eat beef curry. Cows are too tall. And most Muslims do not balance well on stools.
---Grant Patel
Hindoos, of course, treat cows better than their wives.
Muslims merely treat goats like their wives.
---Grant Patel
A Saudi cleric has recently fatwaed that goats must wear veils.
A goat wearing a mini skirt and lipstick is just asking for it.
Goats are not permitted to drive in Saudi Arabia. Even if accompanied by their husbands.
Goat rights now!
---Grant Patel
Goat rights now!
Surely you really mean 'goats right now!' ?
How poly... goatish?
Can we not somehow steer the discussion back to beavers, or wombats, or panties? Or steers?
Anything but goats.
Do not eat beaver curry in Delhi.
Do not eat panties in Delhi.
If you find wombat in Delhi, it is up to you what you do with it. Same actually goes for the crisp cotton panties, but we've already decided what you are not to do with them - everything else is entirely up to you.
There are Catholic girls schools in Delhi, just so you know.
---Grant Patel
Your Majesty is like a stream of bat's piss.
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