NEVER MIND THE BRAIN ROT

In celebration of so much winning, especially the tariffs which are going to make us all rich, including the pasty overweight lazy-ass goobers in West Virginia, Louisiana, Oklahoma, Mississippi, and Iowa -- which also have the highest rates of diabetes, because corn syrup is all American and helped us win the space race -- this blogger intends to feast on guacamole and corn chips as much as possible for the next two or three months. Making an exception for Saint Patrick's Day, of course, when potato chips are for cultural reasons de rigueur and anything spicy is out of the question. I'll make up for it on Cinco De Mayo, when double doses of all of that are consumed at every fraternity by thousands of white boys.

It all about owning the libs.


GUACAMOLE

2 or 3 ripe avocados, de-pitted and scooped into a bowl.
1 small onion, finely chopped.
1 Roma tomato, chopped.
1 clove garlic, minced.
2 or 3 Jalapeno chilies, minced.
The juice of one or maybe two limes.
salt.
Dash Tabasco (*).

Mix everything together with a fork till it is coarsely mashed. Refrigerate for an hour to let the flavours bloom. Serve with damned well everything.


Cinco De Mayo and Saint Paddy's are all about getting wasted and celebrating our common Judeo-Christian values and culture. Also, committing acts of vandalism while screaming "we're number one" and similar eloquent slogans.

Don't worry about getting arrested, because you are white, and "boys will be boys".

Unless you accidentally set fire to a wankpanzer, because then you are demonstrably not white, and deserve every charge in the book and then some.
And you are probably a woman too.


By the way, it is your patriotic duty dammit to swill as much Bourbon as you can, because the Canadians (damned foreigners) aren't buying any, and nothing is more wholesome and absolutely red-white-and-blue all-American than whiskey.


Jameson and decent tequila aren't even in the running.
Once again, DON'T set fire to wankpanzers.
Doing so is un-American.


This blogger will be abstaining from American whiskey entirely, because Jack Daniels and Jim Beam are shitty products anyhow and I'm a Europhile and a snob -- that Tabasco (see above) is also on my no-no list, because it's nasty metallic-tasting vinegar only appropriate for poofters in the swamps -- and entirely besides which disgusting public inebriation really ain't my thing, not being a sportsfan or a stupid redneck.



By the way: California grows most of the avocados consumed in the United States.
I think we should keep them all to ourselves, and screw the rest of you.
Please note that wankpanzers are extremely flammable.
Don't drive them. Might be deadly.



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