ALL HAIL THE UNATTRACTIVES!

A question was posed on the internet: "What immediately makes a person unattractive?" Most of the people who answered were women. Younger women. And probably not very pleasant women. A certain level of entitlement was evident.


WHAT IMEDIATELY MAKES A PERSON UNATTRACTIVE?

1. 62% Smoking.
2. 20% Foul language.
3. 5% Penny loafers.
4. 4% They/Them.
5. 4% Ungodliness.
6. 2% Rude to waiters.
7. 1% Liberalism.
8. 1% Jank teeth.
9. 1% Narsosism.


Naturally, I don't quite see myself in this. As a pipesmoker, I remember back when college professors, Latin and mathematics tutors, engineers, and even captains of industry smoked. Usually they smoked a pipe. But there was a time when instead of a pipe -- impractical when you're performing an appendectomy, doing a Caesarian, or lancing a boil -- more doctors smoked Camels than any other cigarette. In a repeated survey doctors all across the country, in all branches of medicine, were asked "what cigarette do you smoke, doctor?" Yes, not surprisingly, more doctors preferred the rich taste of Camels to any other cigarette.

Of course, most doctors no longer smoke Camels. They probably went back to the pipe from their college days, or fell for Havanas, which they can afford now even at the high prices.


Perhaps I should mention that I am a single young boomer and still a bachelor a decade after savage Kitten and I separated, which may influence my harsh judgement of the respondents to that question. I have no penny in this fight, I'm not dating.

[I'm decidedly on the sidelines sneering at you lot.]

I'm on the fence about foul language, but I certainly recognize that there is a time and place for NOT using it. Childcare facilities, hospitals, elevators, around pregnant women, or in restaurants and bars. Wherever you wouldn't smoke either. As just examples.

Penny loafers are okay. Comfy. Job interviews would not be the same without them, and while I never wear them, I do own a pair. I emply the pronouns they and them when it would be gracious to do so, or grammatically appropriate. Liberalism is an estimable characteristic of which I highly approve, suck it up. I am never rude to waiters; they put up with all of you lot, and many of them are saints. Stressed-out underpaid longsuffering saints.

As for 'jank teeth', what?
Narsosism? Eh?

Is it possibly that some of the folks out there can't spell? If so, they should have smoked. Nicotine has been shown to have benefits to memory and retention, which is why so many medical students huff a pack of Camels (or other brands) when pulling an all-nighter before a test. Undoubtedly it would have also benefitted those Karens if they puffed a few in grammar school when the alphabet was introduced, and it would have helped them escape the cheer squad and glee club in high school and actually have a social life with real people.


Read other essays on this blog for more mansplaining, whitesplaining, colonialist attitudes, religious bigotry, cultural appropriation, general pissiness, and profound insights about everything that is wrong with people.

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