Monday, January 01, 2024

RABBIT RABBIT FOR A NEW YEAR

Rabbit rabbit for a new year in which the human species will make progress! Slow, agonizing progress, to be sure, but progress never the less. This realization comes to me courtesy of my apartment mate, to whom I had recounted seeing a young feller buying a fine cigar to celebrate the new year, and taking a selfie while lighting it up. He flamed half of the cigar while doing so. When he saw me looking quizzical, he explained "for da bitches, man!"

Destroyed half a cheroot while doing that.
But it's all for da bitches, man.
That means something.

My apartment mate objected to the term 'bitches'. Understandable! But one can feel sorry for his horrible social environment, where that word is common, while simultaneously despairing over his torching a cigar so horribly. Those things are expensive! And the civilized animal smokes a pipe, anyway.
But there has been progress. Two centuries ago, most people, especially of his class, were illiterate. Now, at least, slightly more than half of them can spell the word 'bitches'. And many of them will live past forty. Thanks to modern medicine, which has its beginnings in the dark period before leeching and hot irons to expel daemons were discontinued.
There were no torch lighters. People could not take 'selfies'.
Just living was a bitch, man.

Almost at random, I decided to look up porphyria on Wikipedia. The very first paragraph reads as follows: "Porphyria is a group of liver disorders in which substances called porphyrins build up in the body, adversely affecting the skin or nervous system. The types that affect the nervous system are also known as acute porphyria, as symptoms are rapid in onset and short in duration. Symptoms of an attack include abdominal pain, chest pain, vomiting, confusion, constipation, fever, high blood pressure, and high heart rate. The attacks usually last for days to weeks. Complications may include paralysis, low blood sodium levels, and seizures. Attacks may be triggered by alcohol, smoking, hormonal changes, fasting, stress, or certain medications. If the skin is affected, blisters or itching may occur with sunlight exposure."
[End cite]

Please note than many of the words are far more difficult to spell than 'bitches', and refer to more complicated matters as well. Bitch Man would be at a complete loss.

At some point two or three decades hence he may be prescribed a medicine with the following warnings: "If you become pregnant DO NOT TAKE THIS DRUG. May cause DIZZINESS. Prolonged or excessive exposure to direct or artificial sunlight SHOULD BE AVOIDED while taking this medication."

To me, this means that I should not be a woman working in a tanning salon. Okay, can do.
For Bitch Man, all of this may prove insurmountably complex.
My heart bleeds for him.


He might die nicely suntanned. Probably not pregnant, but perhaps, and dare we hope, drunk, stressed and porphyric. As well as constipated and/or paralized.
But no doubt confused; that's inevitable.
He's likely already there.


Happy new year, everyone.
Rabbit rabbit.



NOTE: It's a very waspy custom to say 'rabbit rabbit' on the first day of a new month. Many of us utilize terms like 'rabbit' or 'porphyria' more often than 'bitches', unless we're involved in the kennel industry. Which is all about bitches.


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