Tuesday, December 17, 2019

DID SOMEONE YOWL?

There are several dogs that visit where I work. They have pleasant enough personalities, but there is no very great character development there, they're dogs. Waggy sniffy and biscuit snarfing. A few are stupid or insane, just like their owners. There are no cats. Probably because even in Marin people realize that felines do not take well to leashes, and will be problematic during car rides.

While I like the dogs -- even the paranoid Dachshund who thinks that I am a dangerous beatnik and won't come closer than two feet distance -- cats are more interesting creatures and better companions. And naturally the movie of the musical 'Cats' is something I have absolutely no wish to see.

I can, in fact, think of no worse torment.


Dogs will probably love it.


Not that I am opposed to singing dancing prancing humans pretending to be animals. But what would give me great pleasure is a musical about crows cracking nuts at stoplights, investigating complex problems, and giddily discovering a fresh roadkill carcass. Or raccoons feasting upon fresh garbage can guts.

I suspect that my apartment mate would be drawn to a show with savage gangster hamsters, and several of us would like a stage production featuring large pythons swallowing farm animals and hissing melodically.

"Serpents in love, twining, twining ..... "


A musical about cats just seems like a bad overlap between cutesy-poo and psychosis. What is it with you people? Have you never been around actual cats? Or have you put too much saccharine in your wheatiebix?


The cats despise you lot. They wish to feed you dead rodents and shred your ankles. If you didn't have opposable thumbs and know how to use can openers or open back doors, they'd vomit into your laundry hamper and run off. Cats like librarians, archivists, calmly rational students of mechanical or architectural engineering, grouchy old ladies, and evil geniuses. You folks are moo-herds; cats prefer solitary people who will occasionally extend a paw to scritch that spot behind the ears that no one can reach.

They would like dogs, sort of, if those creatures would stop being so damned enthusiastic and extrovert.


Make a musical about dogs; it would be more realistic.




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2 comments:

Frau Doktor W said...

The stray cats of Jerusalem like me; though I fear that of your list of folk that cats like I fit squarely into the "grouchy old lady" category despite not having achieved even two score years

The back of the hill said...

Here in SF there are few if any stray cats; too many coyotes, possibly. The cats I know and interact with occasionally all dwell in shops in Chinatown. I do not fit into any of those categories, but in some ways I represent an overlap of all of them.

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