Sunday, December 31, 2017

NOT ENOUGH HOLE

They killed over twice as many American citizens as Muslim Extremists in the past twelve months, and all rational people will surely agree that we need to do something. In fact, let 2018 be the year we finally ban them entirely and get rid of them.

Toddlers.

The danger is real. And there is no diplomatic solution likely, because when you try to talk to toddlers, you are putting yourself on their level. Toddlers killed more Americans than Jihadis in 2017, it's time we crush them once and for all.

Lawnmowers were three times as dangerous as toddlers. And falling out of bed proved more deadly by far than both of those combined. I am sure the joint chiefs of staff are formulating a clever plan.
Bravo, boys, we wish you success!


9 versus 21 versus 69 versus over seven hundred.


I do not own a toddler, and although the Constitution guarantees everyone the right to own one, I do not approve. Most of you people can't handle toddlers and your waving them around in public proves you insane.

And why is it always out of shape skeevoid trailerparkers who wander the aisles in Walmart wearing crack-ho cargo pants with a fully loaded toddler strapped to their backs?

It's White Trash, is what it is.



In other news, an internet test I took told me the following:

"You are beyond assholery!"

"269% asshole. You're a complete and utter asshole. You do what you want. It doesn't matter if someone's feelings get hurt along the way. That's life. Sucks to be them. You’ve long since gone past the textbook example of an asshole. The word “asshole” isn’t even enough to describe just how much of an asshole you are. But if that’s how you get your voice heard in this world full of assholes, you do you."

While this is extremely gratifying, my giddy joy is somewhat lessened by the fact that the question was 'Are you an asshole based on your photo?'
My profile photo is John Cleese surrounded by muppets.
So I am a borrowed asshole, so to speak.
Asshole by imitation only.
Insufficient.




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