THE FORCE AWOKE!

This blogger eventually will go see 'The Force Awakens', like my co-worker. who has a big romantic date planned with his wife this evening -- no, I don't know if he's bringing the kids too -- and who by this time tomorrow will have digested the biggest epickest blockbusterest space story ever in all details. And will, no doubt, be spewing spoilers for the rest of the month.

This blogger likes spoilers. Envious I am.

He'll probably forget all about them by next weekend, which is when we'll first be working together again. Or I'll be too distracted to ask.

I looked up 'The Force Awakes' on Wikipedia, and tried reading the plot. Lord helps us, it makes no sense whatsoever.

So I took the liberty of re-writing the entire movie.

Just a little. For greater clarity.

Appreciate it below.


Scene one:
The Force awoke. And had a good strong cup of coffee. Then fell asleep. And woke up again. And had another cup of coffee. Then gradually nodded off, woke up with a start, and rushed to the loo to heave. Memories of the sardine pizza it ate last night came flooding back, and up.

Scene two:
A soup pot floating in space with bunch of characterless drips on board breaks down. A senile old fart and his yeti sidekick capture it, repair the engine while fighting off a passel of Southern Baptists, then they kinda loose interest, or their attentions wander.

Scene three:
This is the part on Sprockets when we dance. Everybody fight now. Beware killer rabbits.

Scene four:
Stuff happens. Get over it. Celebrate, and give Luke some old garbage to remind him of someone else. Whatever.
The big bucket of popcorn tastes nasty.
It is time to leave.
The end.

Moral issues are raised, sh*t gets blown up, there are vistas, colours, and panoramas, and the special effects are truly amazing. Several people you have never heard of before are introduced -- Scooter, Dingo, and Q-Ball -- who will surprisingly survive all the pyrotechnics, but probably die between now and whenever the next episode of this turgid saga hits the theatres.
Which is okay, because they really weren't that interesting.
You only wanted to see the robots anyway.
And the big machinery.

Yep, definitely planning to see it.
Won't buy any popcorn.



I would also like to take somebody cute and charming to the movie, but unlike my coworker, I am not married. So that is not going to happen.


"If the generals back in Nha Trang could see what I saw, would they still want me to kill him? More than ever, probably. And what would his people back home want if they ever learned just how far from them he'd really gone? He broke from them, and then he broke from himself. 
I'd never seen a man so broken up and ripped apart. "


I suspect that not a single line in the movie is worth remembering, unlike Monty Python And The Holy Grail, or Apocalypse Now, which are 100% quotable. As well as examples to live by.



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