THE THREE PIECE TOOL
Yes, the recent meeting of the local pipe club. Which is something that most non-pipesmoking persons might find a daunting prospect.
Peculiar objects, and odd smells.
One of the most berserk mixtures stuffed into a pipe last night was Peterson's Connoisseur's Choice, which is a revolting, pungent and unbearably fruity blend of Black Cavendish, Golden and Red Virginia, mixed with luxury broken flake. The putrid combo of Tropical fruit, Vanilla & Rum make this blend ......
The gentleman indulging in this perversion informed me that at his local tobacconist, one of the owners has banned Latakia mixtures, because of unresolved childhood issues from when she was still married to a lizard. Whose Latakia odour infected the storeroom, bathroom, and sheets. At least I think he explained it that way, I was too busy gagging at the smell and shuddering at the heresy of banning Latakia to listen attentively.
I spent a large part of the evening defending more restrained aromatics, like Erinmore Flake or Samuel Gawith's 1792 Flake. Normally I have few good words to say about the perfumed tarts of the tobacco world, but flavoured tobacco is the largest category of pipe-weed sold, and even so severe a puritan as Gregory Pease has guiltily dabbled in them.
No, I have not smoked his latest creation: Virginia Cream.
Not planning to either. He should feel unclean now.
Erinmore and 1792 are all you really need.
Still, I am rather curious.
I hear it's good.
THE CZECH TOOL
The topic of discussion for the evening did not excite me, that being the humble pipe tamper, of which there are innumerable varieties that all serve the same purpose: tamping down the crown of fire at the top of the bowl as the smoke progresses, so that it will burn evenly and continue doing so all the way down.
One person made the mistake of criticising the Czech Tool.
Gentlemen, the Czech Tool is absolutely the greatest thing to ever come out of Eastern Europe, the one product or invention that puts the Slavic bog on the map. It is the ONLY reason the Czech Republic was admitted to the United Nations and the European Union. With their military armed primarily with this simple and functional object, they are capable of resisting vast invasions by Russians, Huns, and Turks. And it is an elegant object! Even James Bond uses it. The reason why you don't remember him doing so is because it is subtle and understated. It is a stealth accoutrement par excellence.
That air of intellectual superiority that geniuses such as Bertrand Russel, Georges Simenon, Whatsisbucket Tolkien, and Franz Kafka exude?
It is the Czech Tool.
Simply possessing a Czech Tool marks one as a man of the world, capable of taking on any contingency, and a darn sexy beast.
I have three dozen of them.
More or less.
[New Zealand was also briefly discussed. The consensus is that we should visit before the hobbit is hunted to extinction, and eat one before that is banned.]
Wine was drunk. And tea, lots of tea. Salami, cheese, French bread, and one tomato were consumed. Several nice pipe tobaccos were smoked.
Three of us repaired to a cigar bar afterwards, where we calmly and thoughtfully smoked some more. We were quite unlike the cigar-huffing cretins surrounding us, whose giddy excitement and girlish middle-aged men squeals made it hard to hear oneself think at times.
Purely a matter of gravitas.
Germain & Son Perique Mixture. MacBarens Dark Twist from 2008. Dunhill Ready Rubbed. McClelland Balkan Blue.
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Labels: Pipe Club