SNOW PIZZA

This blogger finds it hard to have much sympathy for people in the path of the monster snow storm. We don't get snow in the civilized world, you see, and the closest we come is wet stuff falling in the Sierras, where inbred people live. The inbred part of the continent starts there and continues all the way to Nova Scotia. Although there are distinct pockets of such in the Richmond and Sunset. Regrettably.

Snow; it's what you get for being dillwads.

You have seasons, we don't.


Sorry. My natural San Franciscan sneering snootiness surfaced for a second. I am a very superficial man. Snow never falls on Nob Hill.


My first thought on reading about people stocking up to survive the looming snowpacolypse was that they should buy lots of frozen pizza, because of the high-fat content, and comfort quotient. Then I realized that if the power went out, the frozen pizza would only be useful for insulation, or building pizza forts; they would have to order it from a late-night pizzeria instead. Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night shall stay cheese pie drivers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.
Call up the National Guard to ensure the delivery chains get through!
It's a matter of national survival; they must have pizza.

But what kind ? New York? Chicago? Detroit or New Haven?
Perhaps Hawaiian, saints preserve us.
Spam and pineapple.

Certainly not Neapolitan or Sicilian, because Americans eat more pizza than the rest of the world combined, and Italy is a frightfully small part of the rest of the world, approximately the size of Oakland, or maybe somewhat larger. And in any case, Italy is where you go to soak up art, culture, and sunshine, things that Oakland is not known for.


After pondering the question, the answer was clear.

Swedish Pizza.

It turns out than on a per-person basis, Swedes eat more pizza than even Americans. Italian know-how ("competenza") combined with Swedish suicidal tendencies provides over one hundred types of pizza, of which the most popular are: Africana (chicken, banana, pineapple, onion, and curry powder), Bolognese, calzskrove, calzone con prosciutto, capricciosa, ciao-ciao, crosta con fagioli fermentanti, fango, frutti di mare, Grecco, Hawaiian, kebabpizza, marghareta, marinara, Mexicana, Napolitana, murgh tikka, New Orleans, pansegale con aringhe rancido, ricola, quattro formaggi, quattro stagioni, quattro cose non commestibili, vegetariana.

All, of course, served with mayonnaise.
As well as kupous salata.


Swedes thrive in a gloomy miserable climate, where it's crikey cold and dark, with bally fish to eat. Mayonnaise is essential.


Americans can learn much from the Swedes.
They're a lot like Icelanders.

We like the Sweders.

Stockholm.



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