SURVIVAL SKILLS

The world's cutest cigar smoker asked me yesterday how would I smoke if, on a rainy day, I could not keep the windows wide open. Seeing as the apartment needs to ventilate, so that my apartment mate does not get upset upon her return in the evening. The worlds cutest cigar smoker has a similar problem, because her teenage daughter does not know about her excellent habit, and must be kept in the dark as long as possible.

Responsible adults will not smoke in front of their kids, so that the little darlings don't grow up thinking it's cool (which pipe and cigar smoking totally is) and eventually try to imitate.

By that standard, I would be a most irresponsible adult.

"Hey kid, this is a pipe, it's the cat's miao!"

"Neener neener neener!"

Neat-o keen.


A HORRIBLE ROLE MODEL

It's a hard and solitary job, and there is neither emotional support, nor an office admin. Not even an assistant. But it has to be done.

My task on this planet is to lead people astray, and everything remains copacetic as long as my apartment mate's teddy bear does not end up smelling like pipe and cigar fumes. Which is totally achievable.
I have no wife, kids, girl friend, or young relatives.
So I'll just be a shining example to others.
Who will envy my groovy pipe.

Little kids too. Children are utterly fascinated by pipes.
And my evident enjoyment will be remembered.
Deeply nestled in their subconscious.
To emulate as teenagers.


At least I hope that is what will happen. Kids nowadays are a rather unimaginative bunch, and many of them have never seen real pipes and tobacco, because their parents shelter them and surround them, feeding them all-natural fruits and berries.
The most dangerous thing most children encounter before expensive therapy as young adults is tofu.


[Trigger warning! Tofu. Tofu tofu tofu. Dead bunny rabbits. Ancient Greek play. Charles Dickens. Something non-feminist. Environment, global warming, goose liver, vegetables.]


My plans today are haircut in the morning, smoke a pipe, get rained upon, lunch, smoke a pipe, get rained upon, milk-tea and a baked snackipoo around four o'clock, smoke a pipe, get rained upon.
Pretty much all of that will take place in Chinatown, various locations.
In the evening I will listen to Cantonese opera practice for half an hour before heading over to the noisy part of C'town at eleven thirty for a drink or two with an old friend.

I expect that we will get rained upon.

Good thing I have an umbrella.

It keeps the pipe dry.



[Sorry, I guess I should've given y'all the trigger warning at the very beginning, huh? But then you would not have gotten all the way down here. Sorry. That's life. The new Starwars movie will really warp you; it's full of traumatic stuff. Meat, refined sugar, vaccination, and GMO's.]




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