WHEN JEWS DIVORCE

A friend in the New York area gave his wife a get a few days ago. Which came as a shock to everyone except perhaps for a very few who were in the know. A get is a Jewish divorce, without which they would have still been married even if the civil separation was long over with. If she ever wanted to marry another person, the absence of a get would be a stumbling block of major proportion.

Now, the atheist, cynic, and casual agnostic may say "so what, all that matters is the civil marriage, even if she never gets a get, she can still marry someone else."

That's not how it works.


Family, friends, community, and the people who are directly involved all need that get. One doesn't chuck one's creed aside for convenience sake. She could get remarried without a get if she lost her faith, her morals, and her ethics, left her community and creed, cut off contact with her friends and family, and disappeared from every one's life.

Which would be terrible for her, her children, her friends, and everyone else.

Giving his wife a get is the most gentlemanly thing a chap can do.


Yes, I know, some readers may now raise objections, having noted that it appears to be one-sided, HE gets to give the get, the validity of their divorce is dependent upon his granting her her freedom, what if he's an asshole, and why can't she be the one granting the get? Why is it only by the agency of the male in the equation that the separation is finalized?

Sorry, those issues are immaterial.

Valid, but not relevant.

Al pi halacha.

Punkt.


One tangential issue IS germane, however, and has not one whit to do with any halachic ramifications. Which is that couples who split are frequently subjected to the well-meaning but awful advice of friends. Sometimes some of those friends make suggestions that are frankly horrifying, revelling in the idea that so-and-so is now free as a bird and can drink and smoke and bang everything in sight without consequence.
"Huzzah! Oh happy singlehood! You're hot, you're young again, and you should swing!"

Not all human beings are natural orgiasts and fornicators.

And those suggestions cheapen what had once been.

Besides revealing a streak of idiocy.


So, while I sympathize with my friend, I shall not ask any probing questions or suggest anything at all, nor make any judgments about him or his ex, and refrain from any guesses about them and their issues at all. They're both decent people, and everybody will just have to deal with the situation without protesting that things have gotten "difficult" and without biases.
That's part of being a social animal. None of us are participants in that discussion. We are not entitled to speak, nor is that required.


They're still the same people they were before.


Sh*t happens.




==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================